


Keeping up with the Marauders (Season 1)

by Legacy_of_Hecate



Series: Keeping up with the Marauders [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship/Love, Humor, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Original Character(s), OCs for Convenience, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Hogwarts, Remus Lupin is So Done, Remus Lupin is a Prankster, but now i'm making a plot for it, this was just an excuse for me to write marauder stuff, what did i get myself into, what the heck, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28463031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legacy_of_Hecate/pseuds/Legacy_of_Hecate
Summary: The Marauders realize they are pranksters, as does everyone else, but their lives don't always revolve around pranks, just most of the time. Their first year at Hogwarts is filled will more pranks, practical jokes, and more than a few curses and jinxes than ever.James adores pranking people, Sirius is along for the food and laughs, Remus just wants his friends to act a bit more mature but doesn't stop them from pranking people (he even helps a few times), and Peter makes sure they don't get into too much trouble. Kingsley Shacklebolt, their unfortunate fifth roommate, realizes that his roommates are insane and wants nothing to do with it. Lily is just along for the ride (only occasionally; if she stays with them any longer than needed, she might actually explode).McGonagall questions why she chose to be a teacher while Dumbledore laughs quietly at her existential crisis.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans, James Potter & Peter Pettigrew, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans & Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans, Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter
Series: Keeping up with the Marauders [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131011
Kudos: 9





	1. Maybe Creating a Giant Slip 'n Slide was not our Brightest Moment (Literally, Someone Jumped from a Chandelier)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four first years come up with nicknames.  
> James Potter decides to create a fun game.  
> Sirius Black sets up the said game.  
> Petter Pettigrew doesn't want to get in trouble but participates anyway.  
> Remus Lupin discovers the joys of coffee.  
> McGonagall doesn't know how, but she thinks that the giant waterslide in the hallway has something to do with Potter and his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the rewrite of the original first chapter. If you want to read the original chapter, you can go to the Keeping up with Marauders series and it'll be there.  
> Enjoy!

In the early days of November 1971, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry stood proudly atop a hill, gazing over the land laid out before it and holding students safely in its walls. Snow had lightly fallen in the days before and had started up again, coating everything in white and causing students alike to stay indoors and spend the time studying. Well, _most_ students took the time to study. Others, like four certain first years who are known to cause trouble, had other ideas in mind.

Inside Hogwarts lay its library, books upon books of everything ranging from Transfiguration to Herbology line the walls, sitting snugly in the shelves. Students were piled on comfortable reading couches and chairs with books stacked up to study for upcoming tests and finishing homework. There were many people in the library so there was bound to be noise, but Madam Pince, the librarian, didn't intervene.

Four particular students sat in a barely lit corner, sitting on the floor or just sprawled on the ground like two of them were. One student was pouring over his books, oblivious to his friends. Another was sitting beside him, reading the same book but not as attentive. The other two were laying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.

"Say, Sirius," one with glasses said; James Potter. "Y'know how muggles give each other nicknames?"

"No," another one said; Sirius Black. "Obviously not."

"Anyways, I've been thinking-"

"Never a good thing," Remus Lupin said, still staring at his books, not noticing the pointed glare shot his way.

"-that _we_ could have nicknames!"

There was a pause as the students thought about it.

Finally, Peter Pettigrew said what they were all thinking. "Why?"

James shrugs. "I dunno. Just picture this-"

"Do I have to?"

"-Yes you have to-"

"Ughh."

"As I was saying," James continues, annoyed, "before I was rudely interrupted, picture this: let's say McGonagall catches us doing something we're not supposed to be doing because it's going to happen. It's inevitable. We could communicate while using those names! She'd never suspect a thing."

"She definitely would," Remus interjects. "She's always close to figuring out something, no matter how 'foolproof' you say the plan was. Remember the first week of school?"

"I'd like to be clear that it wasn't my fault."

Remus ignores him. "I remember it quite clearly since I got stuck with damage control. You tried to charm the walls to show your face, but it backfired tremendously and you ended up making the walls purple for a day. Then after you saw McGonagall, you ran and hid, leaving me to explain what happened and make up a lie. I still haven't forgiven you for that, you know."

James pouts like a child. "I know, you bring it up as much as possible. It wasn't my fault!"

"James," Peter says, "it was. Why did you want to charm the walls to show your face anyway?"

James shrugs again. "Inspiration struck me like a lightning bolt and my will was strong as thunder."

"He means he wanted to impress Flitwick enough so that he didn't have to do the homework. It didn't work," Sirius pipes in, grinning mischievously. "No surprise there."

" _Anyways_ ," James rebuked, glaring, "I still think we should make names for ourselves."

Sirius sighs. "I kind of agree. It'd be fun."

James beams. "See? What about you two?"

Peter nods excitedly. "Sure! I'm in."

"Remus?'

Remus sets down his book and groans. "Fine. No stupid names, though, or I will immediately turn them over to McGonagall."

His moronic friends nod so quickly Remus is actually concerned they might fall off. "Of course!"

Remus sighs, realizing that he's been sighing a lot more recently. He eyes his friends as they talk eagerly, an idea of why that is.

* * *

Minerva McGonagall walks through the halls of Hogwarts, staring out the windows and catching students who were running in the halls. Strangely, each of the running students had either black plastic tarps (where they got tarps, Minerva has no idea and she's not sure if she _wants_ to know), buckets of water, soap, and...swimsuits?

Minerva watched a young Hufflepuff girl dash through the hallway at an alarming rate, carrying two buckets of water and two floating buckets. Minerva inaudibly sighs and stops the girl before she runs into a wall, startling her.

"Wha-?" The girl looks up, confused at first, but then her face displays recognition and slight panic. "Oh, Professor! I didn't see you there!"

Minerva stares down at the girl, unamused. "I would think not with how fast you were going. Slow down, you're going to run into something. No running in the hallways, I'd assume you'd know that, Miss Poppi."

The girl had the decency to look embarrassed. "A-Ah, sorry about that, Professor. Um, anyway, I have to go now. Bye!"

Yeah, 'cause that's not suspicious at all.

Minerva watches the girl speed walk away, cautious of moving too quickly, and Minerva quickly becomes suspicious. So, Minerva decides to follow the girl. It wasn't hard, with the water sloshing everywhere. Honestly, people have to clean that up. Minerva pities the people who have to clean Hogwarts, and makes a mental note to speak to Albus about it.

As Minerva walks, she hears some increasingly concerning loud noises coming from in front of her. Just solidifying the theory that something is going on. Worryingly, the sounds miraculously die down after a few minutes of her walking towards it. Minerva quickens her pace, rounding the corner, only to find...a giant slip 'n slide?

There, on the ground in front of her, are multiple long tarps sprawled around halfheartedly. Buckets of water and different kinds of soap lay, abandoned, on the floor. The hallway was practically a ghost town with how few people there were. There weren't _any_ people as far as Minerva was concerned.

Minerva stares out at the deserted hall, sighs, and turns back around.

_I don't know why,_ she thinks _, but I know Potter had something to do with this._

* * *

Potter was, indeed, a part of 'this', whatever it was.

* * *

**Earlier that day...**

James Potter looked out over a sea of chatting Gryffindors in front of him, feeling oddly proud at the fact that Remus had managed to get so many students together in a span of only a few hours.

James feels someone come up from behind him. _Well, speak of the devil_. "There. Everyone and everything is ready."

James nods and motions towards Sirius Black who was standing off to the side with Peter Pettigrew. On cue, Sirius turns the light off with a flick of his wand and a mumbled word, Peter casts a simple projection spell, and Remus shots fireworks into the air to get everyone's attention. The people turn their heads towards James, and he clears his throat.

"Hi," James starts, ignoring the way Remus subtly rolls his eyes. "My name is James Potter, as most of you know. I'm a first-year, prankster, single and ready to mingle-"

"Ahem."

"-Just speaking the truth, Remus. Anyways, we have an idea. A fun...game. But we need your help to make it."

A wary Gryffindor raises their hand and James beams at them, signaling them to speak. "Um, what's this 'game'?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" James gushed, gesturing towards the projection behind him. "Has anyone here heard of the muggle contraption: Slip 'n Slide?"

A few tentative hands go up into the air, and James nods, continuing. "Well, it's basically that. For those who don't know what it is, you're missing out. Like seriously. My friend Peter Pettigrew told me about it a few weeks ago, and he brought one in for us to try. And I had tons of fun _destroying_ him and everyone else who dared to oppose the mighty James-"

" _Ahem_."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it Remus, no need to get your wand in a knot, geez." James chooses to ignore the exasperated inhuman noise that came from his friend. "So, a Slip 'n Slide is basically a small water slide that you lay on the ground and put water on it. But, there are multiple different kinds of slip in slides, and personally, I like the giant ones 'cause that's the one I beat Peter and these morons on -yes, I know Remus, do you need a cough drop?- and I'd assume you guys do, too."

Behind him, Remus takes a deep breath which, again, James chooses to ignore.

"Is there a point to this?" An older Gryffindor shouts out.

"Of course there is, I'm, quite frankly, appalled that you would think like that," James replies, sounding insulted. "I was just getting to the _point_. So, we all know how stressful classes can be, right?" Everyone nods. "See? It can be tiring and difficult at times. Therefore, me and my fantastic, but insane at times, friends have come up with a great game to de-stress!"

"I don't know if that's a word, James," Peter says, sounding unsure.

"Doesn't matter! Alright, here's the plan..."

James can safely say for certain that he has never seen so many people agree on something so quickly.

* * *

It was chaos.

Actually, the word _chaos_ was far too mild to describe what was happening.

The Gryffindor students had immediately agreed to help set up the giant Slip 'n Slide, hurrying around like little mice. Which is exactly what Peter had said.

"Wormtail!" James exclaims excitedly.

Peter turns to him, confused. "What?"

"Wormtail, that's your nickname!" James replies, bouncing around like a little kid.

Peter looks thoughtful before nodding. "Wormtail it is, then. I kind of like it."

James grins, surveying the surrounding area. They had originally stopped the construction of the slide when Posie Poppi had come running towards them at full speed, warning them that McGonagall was coming. They had dropped everything and the older students had cast disillusionment charms on everyone; McGonagall hadn't suspected a thing.

Setting up the slide had taken a few hours, even with the help of charms, potions, and jinxes, but it was well worth it. The hallway curved downward with the help of a simple spell, and dozens of tarps were laid on the ground. Buckets of water and bars of soap were splattered onto the tarps, which took longer than James had originally thought, but someone had figured out how to use a spell to make it go by quicker, so it could have gone slower.

Giant makeshift water slides were set up on the towering walls with ladders strategically placed to avoid injuries. Everyone was there, well, except for the Slytherins, but if someone (everyone) had forgotten to tell them, then oh well. Remus and Sirius walked over to them, covered in water and smelling like soap, but they were smiling.

"So, James," Remus starts, "I've been thinking about those nicknames since this morning."

"Really?" James questioned, sounded excited

"Unfortunately, yes," Remus replied, sounding disgusted. "I have come up with names for everyone."

"I'm not surprised."

"You shouldn't be."

"What are they?" Sirius asks, intervening.

"For James, I believe the name 'Prongs' suits him quite well."

"Why that one?" James asks, curious.

Remus shrugs. "It just seemed right. For Sirius, 'Padfoot' is a fantastic name."

Sirius thinks for a bit. "Yeah, I can see it. Padfoot it is!"

"And myself, 'Moony'."

"Well," Sirius says after a pause, "I have no idea why you choose that one, but you do you, I guess."

Remus smiles. "Have you guys had a turn, yet?"

James shakes his head. "No, we haven't. But-"

"Let's GO!" Sirius shouts, dashing towards the slides, leaving his friends behind him.

James sighs and shakes his head again. "Alright, I'm going to make sure he isn't going to die. Knowing 'Padfoot', that is very possible." Then he rushed off with the rest of his friends, warily watching Sirius be stupid like usual.

* * *

Kingsley Shacklebolt, the four friend's roommate who was watching this scene from afar, just sighed and hung his head. He made a promise to himself to not, under any circumstance get involved with his roommates' pranks and ploys, yet here he was. Sliding down giant water slides in the middle of a hallway and most definitely going to get into trouble.

Yet, he couldn't find it in him to care as he watched Sirius Black jump off a chandelier onto the slide despite his friends' protests.

_Ouch._

Maybe he should get a teacher...

* * *

Minerva McGonagall doesn't get paid enough for this crap.

Honestly.

Jumping off a chandelier onto a wet slide that was without a doubt _not_ made to fall on from a few dozen feet in the air was one of the stupidest things she had ever experienced in her life, and she's been a teacher for years.

Merlin, what is wrong with her students?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very tempted to leave this at 'Minerva McGonagall doesn't get paid enough for this crap' cause that would be hilarious.  
> P.S. This is set in the Marauders' first year, about two months after school started (so it's November, as stated in the beginning).  
> Edit: I have no idea why it didn't put the separators in (or the horizontal lines), so I fix it, along with some minor grammatical edits, too.


	2. A "Convenient' Way to Talk to People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Peter visit Hagrid in his hut.  
> Lily decides to ignore James.  
> James and Sirius come up with a 'convenient' way to communicate with each other.  
> Kingsley turns a blind eye at the strange messages.  
> McGonagall gets gray hairs from the strange first years.  
> Not necessarily in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hagrid is the hardest character to write and no one can tell me otherwise.  
> Also, I said that I'd update every two weeks, but it might be one week (probably in the future two weeks though since school hates me and likes to give me anxiety).

It was a bright and sunny day. The sun was high up in the sky, no clouds in sight, and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had just come out of Herbology, thankful that they no longer had to deal with the ruthless screaming of the Mandrake roots. Remus had his books sitting comfortably in his arms, while Peter, quite to the contrary, was struggling to keep a strong grip on his bags, scrambling under the unnatural weight of his books.

These certain first years had just finished their classes for the morning and were now skipping lunch in favor of exploring. They had been at Hogwarts for a few months now but had yet to see the grounds of the spectacular school. Fortunately for them, the two had discovered (along with the help of James and Sirius) the entrance to the kitchens, and the house elves were more than happy to indulge in their requests for extra food. They had asked, before class had started, the house elves to pack lunches for them as they wouldn't be able to come to lunch. The elves didn't question it and handed them a picnic basket filled with enough food to feast up to ten people, and sent them on their way.

Remus carried the picnic basket easily as they walked along the faded trails etched into the grass. Peter had gotten distracted multiple times throughout their adventure, always pausing and waving Remus over to come look at something whether it be the Giant Squid, an older student, or (as this had happened) gushing over a wild hippogriff that was not pleased that Peter had disrupted it and Remus was forced to drag Peter away from the hippogriff.

Remus, on the other hand, wasn't raised with muggles and grew up in the wizarding world, found Peter's insistent pestering about strange creatures that weren't so strange to Remus quite amusing, if not a little annoying. Remus, of course, answered all of his questions calmly, let Peter roam around the grounds, and saved Peter from a few near-death experiences that Remus, who would never admit it, had wished would have somewhat succeeded so he didn't have to listen to Peter and his rambles.

The two friends were now just strolling across the lawn, gazing at the small cliffside and the strange hut nestled at the edge of it. Remus had noticed it first, pointing it out to Peter who had, to no one's surprise, immediately decided that they investigate it. Remus had agreed, believing that a simple hut wouldn't do anything to them.

This is why they are now staring up at a tall, large man who peers at them. The giant(?) opens his mouth and says, "Uh, is ther' some reason yer are here?"

Peter swallows fearfully. "W-Well, w-we wanted to e-explore during lunch, a-and we found this h-hut." Peter gestures around them wildly. "S-So, w-we decided to e-explore it."

The giant man looks confused. "Sorry, I didn't catch that very wer'."

Remus speaks up before Peter can start spluttering out more incoherent words. "Excuse us, Mr...?"

"Hagrid. Rubeus Hagrid," Hagrid says. "I're the Care of Magical creatures teacher, first day on ther' job."

Peter nods. "E-Explains why we haven't s-seen you recently."

Remus continues. "Pardon our intrusion, Professor. We, as in me, Remus Lupin, and my friend, Peter Pettigrew, decided to skip lunch since the house elves gave packed lunches to see the sights. We wandered upon this hut, your hut, I presume?" Hagrid nods. "Thought so. We can leave if you want..."

Hagrid shakes his head and beams at them through his beard. "'Course not. Stay, come inside. Yer fine with tea?"

The two first years look at each other in shock at the giant man's -Hagrid- kindness. They were expecting something more...vicious, malicious, basically all the qualities of a regular Slytherin. They weren't expecting a kind-hearted man, an invitation for tea, and unnaturally good tea-making skills.

When the giant (half-giant, as Hagrid had explained to them. "Giants are much larger," Hagrid told them.) was confronted by Remus about the good tea, he rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "Well, it's not my tea," Hagrid shrugged. "Ol' Professor Dumbledore gave 'em as a Christmas gift last yer'. Haven't got an opportunity to use 'em until now."

The three spent all of the lunch chatting and munching on food made by the house elves. Hagrid shared stories of his adventures doing work for Dumbledore for a few months before school started, and the gruff man had _a lot_ of stories to tell. The first years were originally going to share some of their experiences with Hagrid since the man had wanted to know what happened before he arrived, but Remus and Peter were so engrossed in Hagrid's stories, that they completely forgot about the time limit. They only realized moments before the end of the lunch bell, so they had to scramble to get their bags together.

They waved at Hagrid as they walked away, promising to visit him as often as possible. The two left with smiles on their faces.

* * *

Kingsley Shacklebolt did not, when he first came to Hogwarts, realize what a complete mess his life would become when dealing with his roommates. Nor did he realize just what kind of mischief they could get into. No word or language on earth could express the extreme amount of pure _dread_ that he had woken up to in the morning. He had brushed it off as nerves, as he had a Transfiguration test coming up (and McGonagall is _vicious_ with quizzes, tests, and the horrific papers that people call _exams_ ), and didn't think anything of it.

The feeling of dread had only gotten worse as the day had progressed. Once, during Charms when they were practicing _Expelliarmus_ , Kingsley got so annoyed at not knowing why the dread pooling in his stomach was there that his spell was so strong it knocked the person unconscious. Kingsley didn't even apologize because he was too confused.

Kingsley, finally, found out why his dread-filled being was trying to tell him about. Well, _warn_ him seems like the better term. Kingsley walked into his shared room, tired and just wanting to go to bed, and found something off about it. There, sitting atop his bed at an absurd height, was a note wrapped in an envelope. Kingsley would have missed it if he walked a few more feet into the room. 

Kingsley eyed the note warily before dropping his books onto his desk in the corner. Bracing himself, he carefully reached up to snatch the note. He immediately closed his eyes and threw the envelope as far as he could (he knows what his roommates get up to and he does not want _any_ part of it, he's pretty sure Lily Evans agrees with how much his roommates, mainly James, pester her daily). He waits for the note to explode or do something to potentially harm, kill, or cause him extreme discomfort, but it never comes.

Still cautious, Kingsley walks towards the note, picking it up from where he threw it on the floor. Bracing himself once more, he inspects the note with gentle and careful fingers, not intent on skipping out on classes tomorrow because his roommates decided to play a prank on him. When he finds nothing suspicious about it, he opens the envelope.

The note falls out, cascading to the floor. Kingsley picks it up once again, peering at it. The handwriting, if you could even call it that, was awful. Who in the world lets a chicken write a note?

Nevertheless, he begins reading.

_Dear Padfoot,_

Kingsley has no idea who this 'Padfoot' is (and he's not sure if he wants to. If 'Padfoot' is being written a note by his roommates, he could be in potential danger, and again, Kingsley does not want any part in that), but he continues reading after a few seconds of thought. Must be a nickname, to who, Kingsley has no idea because it certainly isn't a name someone would use on him.

_Wormtail and Moony won't shut up about Hagrid, the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher. Ever heard of him? Neither have I._

Kingsley looks at the paper in confusion. The writer had just answered his own question...Whatever. Kingsley just keeps reading.

_It's getting annoying with how much they talk about him. Moony keeps saying how great his tea is, though it isn't really his tea, which is confusing in and of itself. Wormtail was fangirling over Hagrid's tales. more specifically, the crazy creatures, which aren't really that crazy. But he grew up a muggle, so it's really not his fault._

Kingsley snorts. Whoever wrote this is clearly an idiot.

_Anyway, that is not the topic of this note. Basically, Moony was talking something about jobs (don't ask how jobs came into the conversation because I was only paying half attention) and I thought we ourselves should get a job. I was thinking maybe at the Hog's Head or Honeydukes. What ya think?_

_Sincerely, your incredibly handsome friend,_

_Prongs._

Kingsley re-reads the letter a few times, face blank. He closes the note, silent, reseals the envelope, and slides it back onto the roof of his bed.

Yeah, Kingsley doesn't want _anything_ to do with that.

* * *

James Potter sighs.

Flitwick had decided that giving all the first years a two-page essay on the importance of Magical Law. He's a C _harms_ teacher, he's supposed to teach them charms, not force them to write a paper on laws that are frankly, pathetic in James' humble opinion.

Sprout also gave them a plant to take care of for the rest of the month. James is awful at herbology, and when he asked Remus to help him, his friend just stared at him and told him to do it himself before walking off. Rude.

And to top it all off, Sirius told him he had responded to his note, but the glint in his eye told James that finding the note was going to be one of the worst things he'd ever have to do in his life. So, James, at the end of the day, deposits his books onto his desk, ignores Kingsley Shacklebolt (he doesn't seem to mind anyway), and rushes off to find the note Sirius had hidden.

This must have been payback for that time James covered Sirius' bed in ice cubes so when he went to bed, it'd be wet and cold. James didn't think that was all that bad of a prank, Sirius didn't even have to go to the infirmary! Well, they had both sworn to not play any pranks on each that would result in the other going to the hospital wing; they _did not_ want to witness Madam Pomfrey's disappointing gaze (they wouldn't ever admit that her stare was slightly intimidating; they'll take that to their graves) again. Of course, they swore to not play pranks on _each other,_ not other students.

James dashed around a dusty corner, eyes creeping along all the nooks and crannies, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even the loose floorboards. Anywhere that could be even remotely used for hiding a small envelope or note. Unfortunately, he did not find anything, but he did find a piece of gum stuck to the floor with a rat chewing out it. James shrieked and grabbed his wand, saying, " _Stupefy!_ "

The rat stopped chewing on the piece of gum and flopped over. James breathed a sigh of relief; he did _not_ want to deal with Hogwart's inevitable rodent problem. Not today, not ever.

James walked on through the hallways, peering into every section of Hogwarts with keen eyes. He knows his friend (even if it's only been a few months since they started Hogwarts) and Sirius enjoys a challenge. A challenge that involves a lot of pranks, laughs, and the occasional cuss word from older kids who fall victim to Sirius when participating in the challenge. His friend enjoying challenges also means that his friends get to have the honor of participating in them, too, no matter what their feelings are.

James remembers one time when, after only two months of Hogwarts, when Frank Longbottom had jokingly dared Sirius to find a way to sneak into Hogsmeade, undetected, and get him some limited edition Honeydukes Pumpkin Sugar Quills. Sirius had taken the dare to heart and within two weeks, proudly presented to Frank two of Honeydukes' Pumpkin Sugar Quills. Frank had taken the Sugar Quills dumbly, but Alice, his close friend, hadn't believed Sirius when he found a secret passageway to Honeydukes. She demanded that he show her nad Frank where it is, to which he responded buy jollily skipping down the hallways and opening his arms wide at a statue of Gunhilda in the Gunhilda of Goresemoor Corridor.

James, lost in thought, wasn't watching where he was going and ended up running into the wall straight in front of him. "Agh-!" He grunted, rubbing his forehead. "Did the wall move or something-?"

_No, that wall was definitely there before,_ James confirmed in his thoughts. He rounded another corner, feeling agitated and annoyed. His day was not going well.

* * *

Lily Evans did not expect to be in the library so long.

Really, it was incredible how fast time goes by while she's studying. She's not complaining, of course, Lily revels in the scene of the scents of old books and crinkling pages. But, she didn't think it had gotten so late, and she didn't think James Potter knew that either.

Lily tried to retrace her steps, her life choices, and literally everything that could have the harsh, arbitrary fate decide that she had to run into _James Potter_ of all people. She had gone to the library straight after school to cram for the unholy amount of tests she had the next day. She opened her books carefully, and stuffed her face into them, piling on the information. The time had gone by too quickly for Lily's mind to comprehend (it had been five hours. Even now, Lily still can't believe it) and she only had half an hour to head back to her dorms and get to bed, quickly, too, don't want to be caught by Filch or his cat.

She had immediately rushed out of the library the moment she saw the time, shoving her books into her bag. She had stumbled around a corner, straight into James Potter, which is where she is right now.

Her face is flushed from running, and the fact that she ran into someone was even more humiliating. "Um," the fiend in front of her said. "You really need to watch where you're going. I could have died."

Lily feels her face heat up even more, and she's no doubt redder than a tomato now. She really just wants to the ground to swallow her whole now; she _cannot_ deal with this embarrassment right now. "Sorry," Lily hurriedly apologizes. "I didn't mean to."

Now, Lily had never really _met_ James Potter before (and from the stories Alice tells her, she's not sure if she wanted to exactly). She, apart from stories and tall tales (what are they, in a fairy tale? Really, the insanity of some of the stories she hears is absurd), has no idea what he's like and how he acts. She assumed that he, like any polite person, would apologize back, letting her go back on her merry way. But apparently, that is not the case.

Potter looks down at her (he is _tall_. Lily feels like she's looking at a giant). "Mhm, sure. I totally buy that."

Lily's brain screeches to a halt. "What?"

"Really, you don't have to lie," Potter...assures? Strange. "People just really love me."

"I'm not lying," Lily fumes, and her brain finally processes the information. She burns brighter than the sun itself, and she steps back a few steps. "W-What?! N-No! That's...t-that's absurd!"

The devil incarnate's smug smirk looks like he's taunting her. "Really?"

"O-Of course!" Lily shrieks, stepping back more steps. A quiet _crunch_ grabs Lily and James' attention. James, somewhat gently, pushes her out of the way and grabs an envelope on the ground, his face brightening.

"Yes!" He exclaims, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "Thank you! I've been looking for this all day long!" After a few more shakes, he rushes off, leaving a bewildered Lily in his place.

Lily should have stayed in the library longer.

* * *

Raindrops splatter against the school's windows, dripping down off the windows silently, creeping closer to the ground. The deafening roar of thunder rocked the building, shocking the school's roots deeply. An eyebrow twitches at the sound.

Professor Minerva McGonagall strolls through the hallways, patrolling to make sure everyone's heading to their rooms. Unfortunately, the rain has made hearing students' footsteps increasingly difficult. More work for Minerva.

She could have been grading papers, or fixing her cabinet that Marlene McKinnon somehow blew up during Transfiguration. How someone can blow something during a transformation class is beyond Minerva, and she frankly doesn't want to know how it was accomplished. But, McKinnon always did seem to stray to the side of destruction, and Minerva couldn't really dock her points in class since she achieved remarkable results.

Minerva sighs loudly, feeling somewhat better after expressing her exhaustion in the form of a deep exhale. She walked on, gracefully making her way through the school she teaches at. At one point, Filch's cat snuck up on her. She didn't scare, though, she's had Sirius Black and James Potter in her classes for months yet she still is wary every time she or one of them walks into her classroom. She doesn't dare try to talk to them about the pranks since they wouldn't listen. She had believed (and was correct, as usual) that Potter was somewhat scared around her, for good reason. She was immune to her students' charms, yet they still managed to worm their way into her heart (despite the claims from a few professors that she doesn't have one).

Potter, after warming up to her (and realizing she isn't all that scary, but she'd never say that), started calling her "Minnie" after school, where the rules didn't technically apply to after classes, as he had told Dumbledore one day. Albus, of course, smiled and let him off easy, telling a furious, yet kind of warm inside, Minerva that it 'wasn't _technically_ against the rules'. James, along with his friends (even Remus Lupin called her 'Minnie' after hours), was delighted to hear that.

Minerva did, however, jump slightly at a shocked, confused, and somewhat mortified Lily Evans rounded a corner. Minerva stopped Evans from running into her at the last moment, her student staring up at her with wide eyes. "Oh, um, sorry Professor!" She squeaked.

Minerva nodded down at her. "It's fine, Ms. Evans. But would you mind telling me why you are out this late? Curfew is in ten minutes."

Evans bobbed her head quickly. "I'm a-aware, Professor," she starts. "I spent too much time in the library and lost track of time."

Minerva nodded again. "Best be off, now. One more thing, you should watch where you're going, Ms. Evans."

The girl turns red, and flusteredly responds with, "O-Of course, P-Professor!" And she's running away, Minerva not even bothering to tell her not to run, muttering something about 'running into people today'.

Minerva raises an eyebrow at her student, before lowering it and continuing her descent through the hallway. Questioning her life choices in becoming a teacher, she wanders through the hallways. She also came across James Potter, too, incidentally enough, and he was rushing through the hallways at an astounding speed, envelope in hand. He waved to Minerva as he passed by, exclaiming breathlessly, "Hi, Minnie! Bye, Minnie!"

Why is everything in her life strange? She bets if she looked a few feet away, she'd see Albus Dumbledore (since he has a strange tendency to be everywhere all the time) staring at her, that blasted amused smile plastered on his face at her plight.

She was not wrong (as usual).

* * *

James hurried towards his bed, passing by Kingsley Shacklebolt who kept his head forward, ignoring James (rude, but whatever. James isn't going to question his roommate, he deserves some time away from James and his friends).

James quickly jumps onto his bed, bracing himself as the springs jump back into place. He stares at the envelope in wonder. How he never found the note before Evans did was beyond him. Frankly, he didn't care about that as much as he cared about what is _inside_ the envelope. He tears open the wrapping on the note, gently taking it apart so he wouldn't rip the note inside.

James was anxious. Anxious to see what his friend had written, a long, well-written note if his friend enlisted the help of Remus, which he probably did. Anxious about what he is going to think about it. Anxious, nervous, slightly scared, etc etcetera. He took the note from the protective shell of the envelope, unfolding the lines, and gazed down.

_Dear Prongs,_

_Sure._

_Sincerely,_

_Padfoot_

James stares at the card.

And promptly throws it across the room in his anger.

* * *

If someone were to ask the Gryffindor students, they'd say what said person heard at approximately ten p.m. on Wednesday was, in fact, a scream. A scream of pure rage coming from one of the first-year common rooms. Then they'd punctually tell the individual to ignore it. First-years are strange, and they are fairly certain who screamed when Sirius Black dashed away from the common room in a fit of laughter.

If someone were to ask the Ravenclaw students, they'd say that what they heard, faintly, was something to be feared and to learn from. They'd also say that 'Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure" in honor of their house' motto.

If someone were to ask the Slytherin students, they'd tell you to screw off and stop bothering them when they're busy. Beware of the cuss words involved.

If someone were to ask the Hufflepuff students, they'd cheerfully explain to people that the screaming culprit in question was just in need of a good friend. A kind, friendly hug and a shoulder to cry on. Hot chocolate, too, of course.

If someone were to ask Professor McGonagall, 'Minnie', she'd set a fixated stare on the relevant person asking her the question, scaring them off. She'd then sigh exhaustedly and walk away as if nothing ever happened.

If someone were to ask Albus Dumbledore, which they wouldn't, he'd just smile fondly and say nothing.

If someone were to ask James Potter, the screamer, he would groan dramatically and tell you to forget everything you heard, saw, or thought about because it's all wrong and Sirius Black is never to be trusted with anything ever again, and if anyone ever questioned that, they'd end up with prominent boils on their face.

No one said anything after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, if this is written weird, I apologize. I'm trying to go outside of my comfort zone and try to write something different. I hope I'm achieving that goal (and not making a fool of myself while doing it).
> 
> I have no idea how this got to be 3,961 words. Sorry if you like shorter chapters because that is not going to happen.


	3. [Part 1] Remus Lupin's Three-Step Plan to Getting a Job (And Keeping it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James decide to get a job writing for the Daily Prophet, with Remus' help.  
> Sirius and James meet their new boss.  
> McGonagall is dumbfounded.  
> Kingsley realizes that his roommates might be mentally ill.  
> And Remus made a world-ending mistake.  
> Exactly in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a two-part chapter. Unfortunately.  
> I didn't mean to make it like that...Sorry.  
> Also, the first chapter is being rewritten, so that update might come quicker than part two for this chapter.

"Sirius, remember the plan?" James asks as they walked towards the _Daily Prophet_ headquarters.

"'Course I do," Sirius responds, taking a collection of papers out of his bag and paging through them. "'Remus Lupin's Three-Step Plan to Getting a Job and Keeping it,'" Sirius reads off, eyes skimming through the papers. "Hm, sounds reasonable."

James nods his head in agreement. He pushes the door open and they both enter. The receptionist looks up from her computer screen, her vibrant red hair falling over her eyes. She looked exhausted, overworked probably, her light violet eyes dull. She smiles, strained, at them, shuffling the papers that out of the way. "Hello!" She says, faking cheer. "How can I help you?"

_Step One: Polite, Sophisticated, and Calm._

"Hello, ma'am," James says politely, ignoring the way Sirius subtly rolls his eyes. "We reserved a meeting with Miss Aya Crooks for today at ten."

The receptionist nods, pushing her glasses up on her face. She turns to her computer screen, taking a few moments to push aside the papers out of her way again. "Name? First and Last, please."

"I'm Sirius Black," Sirius replies, keeping his tone calm but friendly. Remus had drilled into them manners, large words that should not exist, and how to appeal to others. How he knew all of this, Sirius doesn't know and he didn't ask. "And this is my companion James Potter."

The woman's hands flew over the keyboard, the clicking of the keys the only audible sound in the room. After a minute, the woman looks up, handing them each a visitor's pass which they put on their shirts. "There you go, Miss Crooks' office is four floors up, third room on the left. Have a good day, Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, and good luck with your interview."

They both waved goodbye to the receptionist, starting towards the sleek metal elevator. They hurried inside, admiring the simple architecture in the elevator, and Sirius pressed the button labeled _4_. They shot up, moving quickly through the floor until they stop on floor four. The elevator dings and the door opens. As Sirius starts to walk out, James hurriedly pulls him back as five employees rush past them, papers as tall as some of the first years at Hogwarts in their arms. They both breathe a sigh of relief.

"Merlin, this place is busy," Sirius says, eyes gazing over at the sea of office cubicles, doors, and people. "How does anyone get anything done here?"

James shrugs. "I dunno, but they must be doing something right if they're at least letting us be interviewed. What did the receptionist say Aya Crooks' office was?"

"Floor five, third room on the left, I think," Sirius responds, pointing towards a long hallway filled with evenly space doors. James walks towards the hallway, Sirius in tow, and they both decide to ignore the confused looks that the people around keep shouting towards the two and their coworkers. A few looks are quite fearful as they walk towards the hallway, though James nor Sirius knows why. Sirius knocks on the door labeled _Aya Crooks_ and waits. A faint 'come in' allows Sirius to open the door, and they both walk inside.

Aya Crooks was a quiet, unassuming woman. She was thin, but not thin enough that one could clearly see all her bones. Her face wasn't caked in the makeup that most witches and muggles wear, to the contrary, she seemed fine with showing off her almost nonexistent eyebags, which was strange since everyone in the prophet's headquarters looked like they hadn't slept in years (they probably hadn't). She had a plain appearance, with her long black hair which was pulled in an intricate braid, and her seemingly quiet personality. The only real difference about her was the fact that she had blindingly bright golden eyes. She reminded Sirius and James of a cat, she certainly looked like one, with her black hair and gold eyes.

She stood up the moment they came in, a gentle smile on her face as she walked towards them. Graceful and elegant, her feet made little to no sound, reminding the two boys of a cat yet again. She gestures towards the plush chairs in front of her desk, inviting them to have a seat without a word. They sat down without complaint, and Aya Crooks practically glides across the floor to get back to her seat, her simple light blue robe trailing after her. She made herself comfortable, grabbing a tea set and raising a questioning eyebrow at Sirius and James.

"Tea would be nice, I would like some, please," Sirius says, James nodding beside him. Crooks nods, pouring tea into three cups and placing a few sugars in each. She slides two teacups towards the boys, sipping her own tea as she leaned back into her chair.

There was silence, not awkward perhaps, but uncomfortable for the two first years. Still, they didn't speak. Remus had also told them to be respectful towards their peers, especially their superiors. Or Aya crooks in this case, who seems to be perfectly comfortable in the quiet.

Five minutes pass in the quiet, the clock in the room the only sound aside from the noises from Sirius and James when they move. Crooks hardly ever moved, content to just watch them or peer outside the window. Aya Crooks' office was neat and tidy, completely different from the rest of the prophet's building. There were multiple file cabinets, chairs, and books dotted around the surprisingly large office, but all were out of the way and neat.

Crooks was the first to speak after taking a few sips of her tea. She was looking out the window before, but her gaze landed back at the boys. "Hello. Welcome to the _Daily Prophet's_ headquarters. You are Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, correct?" She nodded to each of them as she said their names.

James nodded back. "Correct, Miss Crooks." Even if he's somewhat uncomfortable, he will still stick to the plan Remus drilled into their heads.

Crooks waves her hand in the air. "Please, call me Aya. If you're planning to get a job here, let's at least act like we are equals." She stirs her tea and sighed, putting the cup down and folding her hands together. "Now, tell me about yourselves."

Most people would have been slightly unnerved by her bluntness and carelessness about...well, everything. But Remus had told Sirius and James all about her. Aya Crooks wasn't someone to be taken lightly; she should be approached with extreme caution. She's only kind and sweet to those she genuinely likes, so it's better to make a good impression than a bad one.

_Step Two: Tell her about your accomplishments; don't leave anything that might have or did cause chaos, injuries, accidents, or really anything that could be interesting. Aya Crooks is relentless, in knowledge and chaos._

"Well," James starts, sipping his tea to hide his shaking fingers. "We are first-year Hogwarts students." James was expecting Aya to be surprised, but she just nodded along like she knew that already, which, with what Remus had told them, she probably did. James takes her small smile and nods to continue going.

James laid out every prank he had ever done, with Sirius piping in every once in a while. Unsurprisingly, Remus was right. Aya adores chaos, from the slightly altered expressions from her usual emotionless face. She hangs onto every word, every prank, everything. She never interrupts, just listens intently. Sirius swore that he saw Aya almost smile when he told her about the time when they allied with Peeves to prank the whole Slytherin house. She raised her eyebrow then, and Sirius told her all about the prank. It was simple; just charming all of their food to taste like the worse thing they had ever tasted. It was hilarious watching their reactions, disgusted expressions first, then shocked, and then confused.

When James and Sirius finish their stories, it's three hours since they arrived. Aya settles back into her seat, a thoughtful expression laying on her features, before speaking up. "Well," she begins slowly and James and Sirius brace themselves. "I must admit, that was quite..." She pauses, staring down at her tea before sipping it like she's thinking about what word to use. " _Entertaining_. Yes, I believe that is a wonderous word to describe your tales. Now, you both certainly weren't here just to tell me some chaos inducing stories, of course."

Aya stands up abruptly, pausing only slightly as James and Sirius scramble to walk with her towards the door. "You're both hired." She doesn't wait for them to respond as she waltzes out the door, the boys trailing after her with shocked expressions. "Now, clearly since you both are now working here we need to adjust your schedules to allow you to work here but also managing your busy school life. How do weekends sound to you, hm? Are you free?" The two nods and she smiles, smoothing down her robes. "Good. I'll get you both your edited schedules to maximize school work and actual work."

Aya waves to people as she passes them, the workers pausing to wave back with slightly fearful expression. Aya flicks a piece of dust off her clothes. "First off, you both need to understand how we work." Aya holds up four fingers, pressing each finger down as she goes. "Here, in headquarters, we have four work-related floors, the lobby not included since it's reception. Four teams, as we call them. The Publishing Team, the Researching Team, the Writing Team, and the Field Team. Most people work in more than one team, so I intend for you two to do the same, okay? Fantastic.

"The Publishing Team is on the second floor, the largest floor since they do many things than just publish our papers. They edit the articles, fix mistakes, put together everything, print copies, and are responsible for, of course, publishing the papers. The Researching Team is on the third floor. Obviously, as the name suggests, they research."

"What do they research?" James asks after finding a good spot to pipe in. Aya's quick-talking is making him dizzy, and the amount of information is not helping.

"Oh, just about everything and anything, really," Aya says without hesitation. "it just depends on what the article is going to be about. They are also incredibly overworked, but that isn't important." Aya gets back on track like she never said anything. "The Writing Team is one of the most important. It's located on floor four, and a mess. Unfortunately for you two, you have to witness the astronomical amounts of sleep-deprived people, the smell of coffee, and papers since I'm assigning you boys to the Writing Team. Last, by not least, the Field Team, located on floor five, also my floor along with the one we are on right now. They have one of the most important jobs, and the most fun, in my opinion. They interview people, they go places, they use the information the Researching Team provides and turns it into a draft so that the Writing Team can make it a story. It is also the second team you will be apart of."

Aya finally stops talking, and she takes a deep breath, turning towards James and Sirius who are trying to process the information they've just been given. "So," she starts again, "what do you think?"

"Um," James says slowly. "I think it's great."

Aya beams, causing a few people near her to rush out towards the elevator with horrified expressions on their faces. "Well, let's introduce you to the Field and Writing Teams, some of the most sleep-deprived people you will ever meet!"

* * *

Sirius walked with James and his new boss, Aya, towards the elevator. Aya presses the button, waits patiently for the door to open, and bustles inside, the two boys trailing after her. As they wait, Aya continues talking. "I was thinking," she says, pulling out a notebook, "that you boys will write about Hogwarts since you go there. What about Hogwarts, you may be asking yourself. Well, I was confused about it, too, ever since my sources told me that two first-years were planning on getting a job at the _Daily Prophet_." Either Aya notices the shocked looks coming from the boys next to her and just ignores it, or she didn't notice it in the first place. Both were equally probable.

"Hold on," James interrupts. "Your _sources_?"

"Mhmm," Aya nods. "How else would I get my information? People are storytellers, perfectly capable of giving me the information I need for my next work. Legal or not," she adds, almost as an afterthought.

"Are you planning to take over the world?" Sirius asks jokingly.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" She responds without skipping a beat, leaving Sirius and James incredibly concerned. "Anyways, I think I fought exactly what you should write about. I'm thinking of calling it ' _The Hidden Hideouts of Hogwarts_ ' since it'll be depicting the, among other things, hidden locations, rooms, and entrances in Hogwarts. Oh, here we are."

The elevator dings before the door opens. James and Sirius take in the sheer size and the utter _mess_ of the Writing Team's floor. Papers everywhere, the floors, walls, desk, and somehow, someway, on the ceiling. Cubicles dot the area, papers are there, too, with people milling about and carrying trays full of cups of coffee. All the people have eyebags and seem like they should be dead, but they still bustle around like they don't look half-dead. Most have their wands out, which explains why things are floating in the air. 

Aya walks over to a man who has his head on his desk. She smacked the back of his head and he jumps straight up, fixing his glasses. "Wha-? Oh, hello, you must be the new workers...let's see...James Potter and Sirius Black, right?"

The two nod and Aya starts talking quickly again. "Potter, Black, this is Phoenix Nettle, head writer for the sports section, also one of our more experienced workers here. If you have questions, you can ask him and he _should_ answer them." Aya glares at Phoenix who shrugs innocently, picking up his wand and charming his quill to work for him.

"Don't look at me like that, Crooks," Phoenix says. "Newbies are annoying; they're so _needy_."

Aya rolls her eyes and huffs. "Well, they are new. Come along boys, other people, and places to see."

Sirius and James follow Aya dutifully, listening as she talks rapidly about writers on the floor, writing topics, and everything else. By the time they finished the tour of each floor except the Field team's floor, Sirius and James were dizzy with the amount of knowledge crammed into their heads in the past hour. Aya wasn't even out of breath even though she talked throughout the entire thing. They got out of the elevator and walked onto floor five, the Field Teams floor, and Aya's office. The floor wasn't as messy as the Writing Team's floor was, but the first-years had gotten used to the mess.

Aya walks in front of them towards a door. She opens the door with a flick of her wand and hurries inside, leaving the two behind her to wait patiently before she walks out. When she finally does, it's been five minutes. She carries a black box and sets it on someone's desk, ignoring the indignant protests coming from the man behind the desk. She opens the box with delicate fingers and slides Sirius and James each a new card to replace their visitor's pass. 

As they place the new cards around their neck, Aya takes their visitor's passes and starts speaking again. "These passes will allow you both to access anything a normal employee can access. We call them Access Passes, unoriginal yes, I know. They can unlock any door in this building, allow you to access most of our data and information we've gathered over the years, along with our sources which you can speak to if needed. Though, I doubt you'll be needed those sources for your first article very much."

"What do you mean?" James asks, fixing his Access Pass as it dangles around his neck. "Why wouldn't we need them?"

"Your sources will be the students of Hogwarts, former students, too if you can get in contact with them. I could be of help with that, of course," Aya responds, smiling ferally. "Why, you may be asking. Well, because your first article will be about the hidden passageways of Hogwarts. It's sure to cause chaos among students and other readers. How interesting, right? Well, you both best be off. Grab what you need from this box and get to work!"

* * *

Professor Minerva McGonagall likes to think that she understands her students, and, by extension, most children. After all, she is a teacher. She's around kids most of the time, kids that are wizards and witches learning to control and expand their capabilities. So yeah, Minerva thinks that after decades of teaching children, she's fairly good at understanding them and their thought processes.

Of course, none of those kids were Sirius Black and James Potter.

Honestly, she has no idea how those two made it this far in life with the number of pranks and practical jokes they play that gives them enemies. Well, enemy is a strong word to describe them, more like annoyed and tired students who have sworn to either evade the two boys as much as possible or to make their life hell. Most of them it's just the former rather than the latter.

Minerva knows that the two troublemakers were up to something, judging by their faces and their unusual quietness during class and other events, she just didn't know what. Remus Lupin seemed to know what they were up to, but he never said anything and he didn't seem like he would, unfortunately. 

Whatever they are going to do, Minerva knows it's not going to be good for anyone. And frankly, since she doesn't like lying to herself, that thought kind of makes her nervous. She's seen the about of trouble those two get into (and they cause plenty of that trouble, too) and she wants nothing more than to just ignore whatever they've undoubtedly stirred up this time. Regrettably, she can't do that.

She's a teacher, and she has a duty to protect her students from any harm that may come their way. Even if that harm is coming from other students (or students) who just so happens to be approaching Minerva right now with a failed attempt at hiding the mischievous glint in their eyes. Mentally bracing herself for the disaster of a conversation that's coming, Minerva waits as Sirius Black and James Potter walk towards her.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black," Minerva greets them with a strained smile. "Is there something you need?"

Potter gathers the notecards in his hands that Minerva had even noticed were there and cleared his throat. "Yes, there is, Professor," Potter starts, looking professional. Minerva hides a wince at his comment. This can't be good. "You see," he shuffles through his cards, "we recently received a job offer at a certain popular industry. And, after many hours of interviews and talking, we got hired." Oh dear God- "But, this is where the problem comes in."

"Oh?" Minerva says, almost nervous to ask. Who in their right mind would hire one twelve-year-old and an almost twelve-year-old? Actually, scratch that. They aren't in their right mind. That's the only explanation for it. "And what is the problem?"

Black cuts in, equally as professional. "It has come to our attention that, as a friend so generously told us while we were preparing," Preparing for _what_? "we need permission to interview the students of Hogwarts."

What. The. Hell.

While Minerva stares dumbfounded at the two first-years (which they don't seem to notice, or just decide to ignore it), James smoothly intervenes. "We technically need permission from Headmaster Dumbledore, but we can't reach him at the moment and you are fairly close to him, hm? That is correct, right?" He doesn't even wait for Minerva to confirm it, he just goes right along. "We were assuming that you would be willing to help us out, however confused or suspicious you may have been. So, will you aid us for the greater good?"

Minerva contemplates her life choices and how they got her to this moment. She's lived a while, nowhere near as old as Albus but still quite a decent amount of time. She normally knows what to do in situations. She knows how to respond, how to reason with people no matter how difficult, and most importantly, she knows what the best course of action is in even some of the most difficult scenarios.

She does not, however, know what to do now.

So, she gave her answer to the boys. Perhaps one of the stupidest decisions of her life, yet she can't seem to care all that much especially when she sees their happy faces, no matter how mischievous they may be. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Kingsley knew he shouldn't have woken up in the morning. He should've stayed in his comfy bed, ignored everyone for a day, and get some sleep after having to deal with his roommates for the past few months. Woefully, he didn't, and now he's walking back to his dorm room after a long day of dealing with human beings, only to walk in on his roommates doing...whatever they were doing.

The dorm looked like a _mess_ , and he is not exaggerating this. It looks like a bull had run through the room with papers in its mouth and they kept flying out. It was that bad. Kingsley had no idea how Black and Potter made such a mess of their relatively neat and tidy room in only a few hours. There were papers everywhere; they covered every space. Maybe that one was an exaggeration, but in Kingsley’s defense, he wouldn't be surprised if there would be papers covering every inch of space if he came back in a few hours.

Kingsley walked into the room, gaining a small wave from Lupin from where he sat reading a book. Kingsley assumes that Lupin was there to make sure the two idiots wouldn't blow up the place, and for that, Kingsley was eternally grateful. He does not want to have to explain, and he's pretty sure Lupin doesn't either, to McGonagall at three in the morning that the explosive sound she heard was not, in fact, an actual explosion, it was just Potter and Black 'practicing' some spells. It didn't make the professor less unamused, anyway.

Kingsley peeked over the shoulder of Potter, squinting his eyes at the paper. "Are you interviewing someone for an assignment? I didn't think the teachers assigned anything."

Black shakes his head, still focusing on the papers in front of him with contemplative eyes. "Nope. We got a job."

"A job?" Kingsley repeats slowly, feeling the familiar sensation of dread that comes with being near these morons.

Potter looks up from his paper and beams. "Yup! At the _Daily Prophet_. We're writers now!"

Kingsley processes the information and looks up at Lupin who has a regretful look on his face. "I regret helping them," Lupin states dryly. "I now realize the world may be doomed."

Kingsley wholeheartedly agreed with that short statement. It may have been short, but that didn't make it any less true. "I think you need permission to interview students," Kingsley said. It may have been a ploy to get them to stop so that the world may be saved, but he was fairly certain that you _did_ need permission.

He had never seen anyone's face drop so quickly until now. "Oh," Potter whispers. Then brightens. "We can ask Dumbledore!"

"Dumbledore's on a business trip," Black remarks glumly. "We can't ask him."

Potter deflates, sprawling across the floor. "Then who can we ask?"

"McGonagall," Lupin says distractedly, flicking through his book. "She's always in close contact with him."

Both Black and Potter light up like the sun and they scramble to get up. When they do head towards the door, Kingsley watches the horror dawning on Lupin's face as he realizes the price of his mistake.

"Thanks, Moony!" The two scream in tandem as they bolt out the door, no doubt going to bother McGonagall.

Lupin puts his bookmark in his book and turns to Kingsley. "I think the world is actually doomed."

Kingsley nods. "There's no saving it now."

"Well, we tried," Lupin says, staring off into space.

They both sigh in exasperation, knowing the chaos that will no doubt come and praying that maybe, just maybe, the world won't end.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is in the 1980s-ish and that technology wasn't as good as I depict it here, but I'd like to think that the Wizarding World is more advanced than the Muggle world.


	4. [Part 2] Remus Lupin's Three-Step Plan to Getting a Job (And Keeping it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius interview Hogwarts students for their article.  
> Dumbledore is amused.  
> Hagrid dedicates an entire class period to reading the Daily Prophet article with his student (he's so proud).  
> The Wizarding Community realizes that maybe allowing first years at Hogwarts to write in the main newspaper is not such a good idea.  
> James and Sirius publish their article and enjoy the chaos that comes with it. Aya Crooks laughs maniacally.

_Step Three: Actually do your job. Do your job well. Honestly, not that hard to keep a job if you actually do it._

"Alright, Padfoot," James starts, settling back into his chair. "Time to gather information."

Sirius nods from his place in the office chair beside James. He taps his pencil on his clipboard in a rhythmic pattern. McGonagall had, to the first-years excitement, gotten permission from Dumbledore allowing them to interview students on Hogwarts grounds. The professor's expression when she handed them a sealed envelope had James and Sirius holding back laughter.

James had somehow enlisted the help of their roommate, Kingsley Shacklebolt (along with the help of good ol' blackmail and bribery) who had eventually agreed to help conduct interviews after five minutes. Remus had patted his arm in sympathy after the boys had left when he saw that Kingsley looked like his soul had left his body. If someone had asked James why Kingsley looked like that, he would blink innocently at them and saw he has no idea before walking away.

Kingsley was sitting beside Sirius looking like he would rather be anywhere else at this moment. He grabbed his wand and charmed his quill. The quill shot straight up and place itself above his clipboard. Sirius and James turned towards him in awe. Kingsley blinks tiredly and groans which was equally as tired, and charms the other two quills before relaxing back into his seat.

Remus walks into the room, glancing around. The makeshift office in Hogwarts wasn't anything special; only three office chairs which were occupied by the three first years, a long, wooden desk with papers and quills scattered around its surface, and a comfortable looking love seat on the other side of the desk on top of a fluffy carpet. McGonagall had given them the keys to the room with only one sentence: "Go nuts, just don't break anything" then she had left, never looking back. Not once.

Remus walked inside cautiously and deposited a piece of paper on the desk. James snatches it up, skimming over it. He peers up at Remus, confused. "What's this?"

"The list of students willing to be interviewed, along with people who are possible brokers," Remus replies, watching Sirius look over James' shoulder at the list. "There are about fifty people on that list, most likely more. I didn't count all of it, but I got to fifty-three before I had to stop, and there was still the whole backside."

James groans, long and filled with suffering. "That many? Merlin, how many students are at Hogwarts?"

Remus shrugs. "I would guess a thousand, give or take a few dozen. There are around 143 students in each year, so multiply that by seven and you get 1,001 students."

Sirius holds up a hand from his place on the ground. Remus hadn't even realized he was on the ground in the first place. "Stop," Sirius groans. "Too much maths, my brain can't take it all."

"Also," James says, looking thoughtful as he thinks over Remus' words, "that was a rhetorical question."

"I know," Remus remarks, walking towards the door. "It's just funny to see your reactions."

Remus walks out the door, leaving a chuckling Kingsley and two annoyed friends. "Well," Kingsley starts, stretching. "Let's get started. I want to get this over with as soon as possible. Pettigrew, you there?" Peter nervously peers through the door, squeaking out a 'yes?' "Send in the first person...Sofia Juneberry? She's a fifth year, apparently. You all remember the plan?"

"Unfortunately."

* * *

"Hello..." Sofia Juneberry says softly, her footsteps quiet as she sits down on the love seat, her long brown hair falling over her hunched shoulders.

"Hello to you. I'm Kingsley Shacklebolt if you don't know," Kingsley says kindly, taking the plunge. "How are you doing today? Would you like some tea?"

"I'm doing fine, thank you," Juneberry replies, taking the cup of tea in her hands and sipping it. She tries to ignore the piercing eyes looking at her and the soft sigh and groan she thought she heard and instead, smiles. "You have some questions, yes?"

Kingsley smiles and nods. "You see," Kingsley starts, "my...colleagues here, James Potter and Sirius Black-you've heard of them, hm? Most people have. Anyways, my colleagues have recently been offered a job position at the _Daily Prophet_ as writers, and they accepted. Regrettably, they have a limited amount of information on certain subjects, including the hidden passageways and rooms of Hogwarts, the decided topic for this week's _Prophet_."

Juneberry looks down and stirs her tea with her spoon, apprehensive. She tries, again, to ignore the quick beat of someone tapping something, but failed when she looked towards the sound only to find no one making the noise. "Okay," she says slowly, "so what does this have to do with me?"

"Not just you, Miss Juneberry," Kingsley corrects, tapping his paper with his pen. He hands over the piece of paper with people's names listed on them. Juneberry takes it and looks over it for a few moments with Kingsley waiting patiently. She peers back up at him with curious eyes which occasionally flickered over to James and Sirius who were staring at her intensely and groaning softly. "Everyone on the list, which was compiled by another colleague of mine, has something to do with it. Or will have something to do with it," Kingsley adds. He gently takes the paper back and settles it underneath his arm. "The point of this meeting is to gather information, and we were hoping you had something on hidden rooms, hallways, passageways, anything that normal students or civilians wouldn't know."

Juneberry hums and looks down at her tea, thoughtful. "Well, _I_ don't have much on hidden things in Hogwarts, but I do know how to get out Hogwarts after curfew without getting caught." She hesitates, brushing her hair behind her ear and ducking her head. "Will I...Will I get in trouble by saying this?"

Kingsley smiles at her, watching her posture relax. "No," he soothes, "you will not get into trouble. We have explicit permission from Headmaster Dumbledore that allows us to conduct these interviews. And your contribution will be completely anonymous if you want."

Juneberry beams shyly. "O-Okay! It doesn't have to anonymous, I'm fine with being mentioned by name," she chirps, gaining confidence. "Well, there's this hallway on the seventh floor, it's incredibly useful, which is fantastic..."

* * *

"Good job, Shacklebolt," James says, clapping as Sofia Juneberry leaves. "At least you have some acting capabilities."

Kingsley rolls his eyes, plucking his quill out of the air after it finishes writing notes. He hands the parchment to Remus who had walked in the moment Juneberry had left with eyebrows raised and a silent question on his tongue. Remus takes it, his eyes moving quickly over the page before looking up and nodding. "This is perfect. Fantastic job, Kingsley," he murmured, already halfway out the door, rushing to who knows where.

Sirius sighs, tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. "Yeah, yeah. That's great and all, but it's my turn now. Who's next?"

Kingsley looks over the list. "' Antonio Ravens, fourth year. Potential informat since he's been seen sneaking through strange places and appearing randomly in others miles away,'" he reads off. Looking up, Kingsley fixes Sirius with a flat, dead-eyed stare. "Don't mess this up."

* * *

"Hello, _Antonio_ ," Sirius starts arbitrarily. Antonio Ravens, a tall, black-haired fourth year, was slightly uncomfortable at the casual use of his first name by a random stranger. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees James and Kingsley sigh but ultimately decides to stay silent. This conversation couldn't be all that bad if they stayed silent, right? " My name is Sirius Black and I have some questions for you today."

Ravens gets distracted by the tapping that was happening somewhere behind him, but when he looks back, nobody's doing anything that would cause that sound, so he shrugs it off. "Uh, okay?"

"Do you know why you're here?" Sirius asks sharply the moment Ravens finished talking. Ravens squirms under Sirius' keen gaze.

"Um, no, not really?" It wasn't meant to be a question, but it just came out that way.

"Good," Sirius rebuked, pacing-prowling-around the 'office'. "If you did, I would be inclined to believe you somehow stole valuable pieces of information which would not be good. For you, that is." Ignoring Ravens horrified expression, Sirius continued, swiftly throwing himself into his chair. "I'm going to get straight to the point, so allow me to be blunt." Without waiting for a response, Sirius says, "We need information. Simple concept, not so simple to get. Now, listen up, we need any information you have, no leaving anything out or I will know, about Hogwarts' hidden side of things. We're talking hidden rooms, secrets that we don't know about, hallways, or passageways. You have five minutes, starting now."

"Uhhh..." Ravens mumbles, looking overwhelmed.

"What did I just say?" Sirius asks impatiently. "You have five minutes, now five and a half, to tell us everything you know that some might not." Sirius slams his palms onto the table, the resounding _thump_ making Ravens jump and look up, face slightly panicked. "Now. _Talk_. Antonio, we don't have all day."

Ravens immediately starts babbling over all of his discoveries under the sharp gaze of one Sirius Black, even as he tries to ignore the annoying tapping sound. Five minutes later, a very shaken Antonio Ravens walks out of the office thoroughly afraid. "What was that?" He mutters to himself, but others heard it and made them fear for their lives. "An interrogation?"

* * *

"I think that went well," Sirius drawls, breaking out into a grin. "We got loads of information from him." Remus nods distractedly as he takes the offered papers, and handed them to Kingsley to look over.

Kingsley sighed, shuffling through pages and pages of notes before giving them back to Remus, who rushes out the door. "I suppose," Kingsley says slowly, regrettably if his tone was any indication, "that you _did_ get a surprising amount of data from Ravens. But did you have to use intimidation tactics? Honestly, the poor bloke looked as pale as a ghost."

Sirius shrugs. "Eh, he's fine. But impatience and intimidation is _my_ character, Shacklebolt, you wouldn't understand."

"You certainly played the part well," James sniggers.

"Thank you-!"

"Impatience comes naturally to you, just like childish complaints," Kingsley cuts in, hiding his smirk in his elbow as he pretends to cough.

"Shut up-"

"Yeah," James says thoughtfully. "So does stupid pranks and ideas. Like the time he jumped off a chandelier. _That_ was a dumb decision."

"I hate you guys."

"Love you, too. Peter! Next person please!"

* * *

Sixth year Leo Minks didn't know what to expect when walking into the office if his uncertain posture and twitching hands were anything to go by. James could work with that; his character wasn't hard to act like, even if it did force him to not talk very much which is one of his favorite things to do. Teasing his friend has prepared him to deal with whatever people he had to.

Minks sat carefully on the sofa and turned towards them. His eyes flickered around the office for a few moments in the quiet. No one bothered to speak up, which made him somewhat nervous. He'd heard different stories about these three interviewers, or interrogators as some like to call them. Some, like Sofia Juneberry, one of Minks' good friends, say her interviewer was nothing but polite and kind to her. Another, like someone named Antonio Ravens, told them his interrogator was a vicious demon who had qualms about destroying every piece of dignity he had left.

Honestly, Minks couldn't tell which one was worse. But, he can tell that the random tapping noise near him was incredibly annoying and stress-inducing. He tilted his head to the side, only to realize that nothing was making any noise. Weird, but it's probably something in the vents. The tapping noise quieted, and so did his anxiety.

"Hello."

Minks jumps at the soft voice and turns his head towards James, who was sitting quietly ("Shocking," Sirius had whispered to Kingsley after the interviews. "I don't think he's ever been so quiet.") with a teacup in hand, totally relaxed in his chair. "H-Hi..."

James nods his head at Minks and taps his quill once with his wand and it shot straight up into the air and perched itself above the parchment in James' lap that Minks hadn't even noticed. "James Potter, a pleasure to meet you."

"L-Likewise," Minks responds. "Uh, I'm-"

"Leo Minks, yes, I know. Tea?" At Minks' shake of his head, James continues. "A shame. Can you tell us anything you know about Hogwarts' hidden secrets? Rooms? Passageways?"

Taken aback by the bluntness, Minks takes a few precious seconds to answer. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do know a few things. I know how to access the Room of Requirement, how to get into the greenhouses late at night without keys, and there are multiple passageways to Hogsmeade..."

James gives him an encouraging nod, not saying a word despite the stupid tapping noise that has to be _somewhere_ in the office, so Minks surges forward in his explanations. A few minutes later, he's leaving the office, satisfied, and somewhat confused at the fact that James only said a few select sentences. How peculiar.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew finally musters up enough of his courage (which isn't a lot, he will admit, but it's enough) to question his friends (is Kingsley his friend? He doesn't know) about why they've been acting so different during their interviews. Every person who had come out of the office so far, which there were only three, had a wide variety of emotions that were placed clearly on their faces. And he had questions.

So, he walked straight into the office, brushing off the looks of surprise from the two sitting _on_ the desk, and asks as bluntly as he could, "Why have you guys been acting so different?"

Sirius stares at him, head tilted to the side and a glint in his eyes that Peter is familiar with. "Elaborate."

And Peter does. "First of all," he starts, "Kingsley is kind, but not nearly that patient. He has to deal with you two, after all. We all do, unfortunately," Peter ignores the offending squawks coming from both of his friends and instead focuses on Kingsley's amused expression. "Secondly, Sirius, you are nowhere near that rude and impatient. Honestly, you may act like a brat half of the time, but you aren't impolite. And lastly, James. Where do I even begin? You are _not_ that quiet. Ever. You always have to say at least two paragraphs for everything, not including topics you enjoy and will rant about for hours on end. You _cannot_ stand someone talking for five minutes straight. And when they end up getting sidetracked every second? Yeah, exactly what Minks did? You despise that." Peter takes a deep breath after his speech and turns towards his roommates.

It's quiet for a few moments. Then Kingsley speaks up. "We made up personas for ourselves." And left it at that.

No explanation.

Peter stormed off, leaving the sound of snickering behind and the stupid tapping noise that had been going on throughout the entire conversation.

* * *

Minvera completely regrets asking Albus to give Potter and Black permission to commence interviews on the student population. Minerva can't go a few yards in the school without hearing about hellspawn children who, frankly, have traumatized students enough for the teachers to unanimously agree to cancel classes for the rest of the week for therapy sessions. Minerva has seen enough students who walked out of the doomed room she had lent to the said demon children looking like the portal to hell had just opened up and swallowed their cat whole.

Minerva has no idea what happens in that room, but she's heard too many strange conversations coming out of the room. Like just now, for example.

She just wanted to take a walk to clear her mind. Minerva should've known that a peaceful walk around Hogwarts' grounds with people like Potter and Black occupying the school would never happen.

The door to the office was closed, but Minerva could still hear the conversation clearly. "Oh?" An all too familiar voice asks. "How would someone access said passage?"

"It's quite simple." Minerva didn't recognize this voice. "There's a mirror on the fourth floor. You've seen it right? Yeah, the one at the end of the long hallway, that's it. Anyway, just open the mirror or take it out. I've only been there once before, but it leads to Hogsmeade. It's huge, too, like the size of a government meeting room..."

Minerva left after that; she didn't want to hear anymore. This information would lead to the end of the world, Minerva was sure of it. If it's given to Sirius Black and James Potter, the most notorious troublemakers in Hogwarts despite being first-years, then something bad has to come out of it.

Oh, how right she was.

* * *

"Hello, Miss Inkwell. My name is Kingsley Shacklebolt and these are my colleagues James Potter and Sirius Black. We'd like to ask you some questions today if that's okay with you."

"Fine by me. What do you want to know?"

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black need some information. Nothing bad, of course. Legality is questioned, though, but is ultimately unimportant. Do you know anything about Hogwarts' hidden secrets or rooms? Anything like that is what we're looking for, okay? Miss, are you okay?"

"Yes, um, sorry. Just distracted by a sound."

"Hm. I don't hear anything. But, back on track."

"Oh, right, yes, of course. Um, well there _is_ one that I know of. The first floor corridor, behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy, leads to someplace out of Hogwarts. I've never gone to it, so I don't know where it leads, but it's there. My friend opened it on accident in our third year."

"Thank you for your time, Miss Inkwell. If that is all, you can go."

* * *

"Sirius Black, and you are?"

"Uh..."

"C'mon, you moron, we don't have all day."

"Um, I'm Thyme Brooks."

"There, was that so hard? I think not."

"Did you hear that?"

"Stop getting distracted, I have more important things to do than watch you hallucinate. Honestly, the audacity."

"S-Sorry."

"Sure you are. Now, tell me everything you know about Hogwart's secrets. Anything you do. We have a limited amount of time so don't screw this up."

"I'm not going to get in trouble for this, right?"

"Perhaps."

"Um, anyways. I don't really know anything asides from how to get trick Peeves into doing whatever you want with blackmail."

"Blackmail?"

"Yeah, I have tons of it that's just about Peeves."

"Thyme, I think you are my new favorite person."

"T-Thanks?"

* * *

"Aurelia Clove, correct?"

"Yes."

"I'm James Potter, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"I have a question. Do you have anything on Hogwarts' and its secrets?"

"No, sorry, I do not."

"That's fine. You're free to leave."

"Thank you."

"Mhmm."

* * *

Sirius groans dramatically. "Ugh," he sighed. "Are we done yet?"

Remus snickers from his place on the couch opposite of Sirius and two others, pieces of parchment in his lap, organized prettily. "Yes, Sirius. You've gotten through all 76 students." Remus handed over the parchment to Sirius, who takes them and reads over them, James and Kingsley reading from beside him. "I've compiled the most important information from the notes you took, or your _quills_ took, and put them together in an orderly fashion. Easy to read and, subsequently, easy to write while using these notes."

"Thanks a lot, Remus," James gushed, happily taking the papers and setting them into his bag. James got up from his seat and stretched, Sirius doing the same as he headed towards the door. "Alright, Sirius and I are going back to the _Daily Prophet_ to talk with Aya and to write. We've got a deadline that we have to meet in two days, so we can't afford to slack off. Bye!"

With that, James grabs Sirius' wrists and whisks him away. Remus sighs and stares tiredly at Kingsley, who stares back equally as tired. "I can't believe I let them talk me into this," Kingsley muttered, and Remus nodded in sympathy.

* * *

Aya Crooks was delighted when James and Sirius presented her with their findings. She had greedily devoured the information, nodding along throughout reading the detailed notes and even making comments on how to incorporate all of the information into an article without being too descriptive to avoid giving away anything for people to use against them. She was a genius while she was in her element, and James and Sirius couldn't have been more relieved to have her advice. They would practically be going in blind and would need all the assistance they could get when writing.

"Well!" Aya exclaimed after reading the notes thoroughly. She peered at the two first years through her reading glasses, excitement shining clearly in her eyes. "I have to say, boys, I'm quite impressed. This is very detailed and was such a joy to read." She sets down the parchment and stands up, shooing them out of her office with a smile. "Now, you boys have work to do. Give the editorial team your rough draft once you're finished and they'll fix it. Beware, though, they are _ruthless_ when editing, so don't take it too personally, kay?"

The two nod and Aya unceremoniously slams the door in their faces. James laughs and makes his way to his desk, pulling out a quill and multiple pieces of parchment. "Alright, Sirius," he starts, holding his quill above the parchment. "Ideas?"

Sirius grins and the two demons get to work.

* * *

A day later, Sirius and James turned in their rough draft to the Editing Team, who mercilessly tore it apart piece by piece (figuratively) and happily handed it back to the first-years, edited and ready to be looked over again. Sirius and James spent a whole night awake at the headquarters, fixing and revising, then fixing and revising again before handing the final draft to Aya Crooks. She spent a full hour reading it and practically pranced to Sirius and James at two in the morning, babbling, "We are no doubt going to be sued for this, and there's a strong possibility that it'll be taken down after only a few days of being available to the public, but I can't find it in me to care!" 

And so they published it.

The article was a success. 

Wizards and witches alike would be found reading the newest _Daily Prophet_ article written by two first-year students at Hogwarts, _The Hidden Hideouts of_ Hogwarts. Students of said school could be found reading the article multiple times in a day and going out at night to test some of these things out. Too many people were caught since the headmaster, albeit amused by the whole situation despite numerous of his staff going insane by the sheer size of the student population going out doing stupid things, placed ghosts, portraits, and knight statues in places mentioned in the article. 

Some students have been spreading rumors that Rubeus Hagrid, the Care of Magical Creatures professor, had been dedicating entire classes to just reading the article written by his favorite students (though he never said they were his favorites out loud, everyone could tell). Half of the student body didn't believe these rumors until they attended the class themselves and never again doubted those rumors. Some even added more to those rumors.

It was chaos, and James and Sirius loved it.

(Some people say they swore they heard Aya Crooks cackling maniacally the day the Ministry took the article down. Some of those people weren't even in Scotland.) 

* * *

_**The Daily Prophet** _

_**The Hidden Hideouts of Hogwarts** _

**_Written by James Potter and Sirius Black_ **

_Hogwarts School of Witcraft and Wizardry is a name wizards and witches alike know. It's a popular and successful school, producing some of the best wizards and witches_ _the Wizarding World has ever known. Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of the proud establishment, is a well-known wizard whose achievements have been widely_ _celebrated in past years, and still are. Young children that reside in Hogwarts are being taught by the best of the best, as most_ _everyone knows. But, who really knows Hogwarts?_

_Well, that's what we are here to do: tell our dear readers about the secrets hidden deep within the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What if we were to tell you that Hogwarts has numerous secret passageways and hidden rooms? Don't believe us? How about we let real students of Hogwarts tell you all about what they've found in their years at the famed school._

_When asked about what she knew about her school's secrets, Sofia Juneberry, a fifth year at Hogwarts, told our interviewers all about the Room of Requirement, a hidden room that appears whenever you need something at Hogwarts. She discovered it in her first year when she was in desperate need of a place to hide while being chased by the resident poltergeist, Peeves. Its location is on the seventh floor of Hogwarts, but how to access it, well, we will leave that for you to figure out. No need to spoil certain people's fun (ahem 'James Potter' ahem. Don't think I don't know what you do there...-Sirius)_

_Would any of you believe us if we told you there's a way to get to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade via a direct tunnel underground? No need for you to believe it if you can read it for yourself!_

_Leo Minks, sixth year at Hogwarts, told us about an easy to access passage to get you and whatever (or whoever, I'm looking at you Doug Nightingly; I saw you lugging the bag that looked suspiciously like a human body around-Sirius) you want to go in Hogsmeade! Where's it located? On the fourth floor, of course! I won't spoil anybody else's fun by revealing how to get to the tunnel, so you'll just have to figure it out yourself! Have fun~_

_Peeves the Poltergeist getting on your nerves? How about some good ol' blackmail to get back at all those times Peeves dumped a liquid that definitely was not water no matter how many times he told you that it was on your head (it was not water, Peeves, I'm not an idiot-Sirius)? Sounds great, right? How I would have loved to destroy Peeves' dignity with simple pictures two weeks ago when he hid my Quidditch robes and I had to wear my pajamas to the game (I still have not forgiven you for that, Peeves, no matter how many poisonous gift baskets you give me -James)._

_Well, a simple way to get blackmail for Peeves is to ask the kitchen house-elves; they have loads of information about Peeves dancing to the Weird Sisters while singing in the kitchens (pictures included!). Now, I won't tell you how to get to the kitchens, but if you don't know, Sirius Black will tell you how for a small price of his choice (no he will not because I will-James)._

_Want more information? Sadly, we cannot give you any more. But, I am positive that the wonderful teachers of Hogwarts can and will tell you more if you pester them about it enough (yeah, McGonagall's a pushover; please don't kill me Minnie-James)._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got way too long but I enjoyed every second of writing the Daily Prophet article. This chapter is like, 4,600 words so...go me.
> 
> Also, I got this done like ten minutes ago so the editing might be sucky. Sorry.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day!


	5. Sometimes, You Just Have An Extreme Urge to Retire Multiple Times A Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius Black volunteers to do the commentary for the first Quidditch match of the season.  
> Minerva McGonagall, once again, regrets her life choices.  
> Peter, along with Remus' help, creates a surprise for the end of the match (with Sirius' approval).  
> Kingsley is dragged along for the ride.  
> The Marauders give McGonagall the appreciation she deserves (and she'll never admit she enjoyed their second surprise).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by: ginnyfxchingweasley's Sirius being Quidditch Commentator/Gossip Queen [headcanon] (just gave me the idea).  
> Also Partly Inspire by: turntotheskies' Remus helping his friends studying for the OWL's [headcanon]

James Potter and Sirius Black weren't surprised when they were fired from working at the _Daily Prophet_. Well, only to the public. They weren't actually fired, which only mildly shocked them when Aya Crooks cheerfully explained to them why.

_"The Minister of Magic," Aya brightly started after she called the two first years to her office a day after the article was taken down, "contacted me yesterday before your story was taken down. He explained to me that the unwanted chaos that came with the publishing of 'The Hidden Hideouts of Hogwarts' was leading to mass panic in the Ministry. How unfortunate." Aya folded her hands and propped them on top of the desk. "Oh, well. But, back to the topic at hand. The Minister told me that you boys are no longer allowed to write for us."_

_"So you're going to fire us?" James had asked, not surprised._

_Aya smiles slyly. "Publicly, I am."_

_"Publicly?" Sirius repeats, a dumbfounded expression on his face._

_"Publicly," Aya confirms. "You see, the Minister only told me that you aren't allowed to write for us, not that you have to be fired."_

_"We aren't going to be fired?"_

_Aya shakes her head. "No, you just won't be writing any more stories for us."_

_"Then what's the point?"_

_"The point is you can't write under your names. Loads of writers use pen names to hide their real identities, so if I do decide to have you write another story for us, you would just need to create a fake name and change your writing style slightly. But, to the public, and the Minister, you have been officially fired from working here. Here's my card, let's keep in contact!"_

That was quite a conversation and quite a surprise. 

But now, with no impending deadline and nothing to do but worry about that Herbology test that they still have not studied for, which subsequently means they are bored.

Extremely bored.

Well, Sirius is the bored one.

James has Quidditch practice four times this week to get ready for the game against the Slytherins, so he's busier and more exhausted than normal. Remus has been studying with Kingsley for hours in the library and both are unwilling to come out of the said library until they have memorized every single piece of information that is even remotely associated with Mandrake roots and Devils' snare and a hundred other things that Sirius is none too keen to study. Peter has been busy, too, shockingly. Not studying, but he's been learning how to cook from the kitchen house-elves that Sirius is, again, reluctant to meet since they reminded him too much of his family's elves and, in addition, his family.

So, here Sirius is, with a Herbology textbook spread out on his lap, untouched, sitting in the Gryffindor common room. The quiet chatter is comforting to Sirius as he listens intently as Frank Longbottom talks about strange, magical plants and the difference between poisonous plants and venomous plants.

"The difference between poisonous plants and venomous plants is simple: if _you_ bite _it_ and you die, it's poisonous. If _it_ bites and _you_ and you die, it's venomous. Got it?"

"No."

"Great! What does a Mandrake scream do?"

"Cause someone to die."

"Correct! What other creature screams are comparable to a Mandrake's scream?"

"Banshee."

"Correct again! Next question..."

The 'conversation' continued with Frank cheerfully asking questions and Sirius answering them in an incredibly deadpan voice that indicated he did not want to be here. But, Professor Sprout would kill him if he accidentally stabbed a Mandrake in the eye when it surprised him...again. He would rather not invoke the wrath of her again, or be at the end of McGonagall's disappointed stare.

The study session would have continued if not for when the current Gryffindor Quidditch captain, Simon Locks, rushed into the common room, looking frazzled and distressed. 

"Uh," Sirius starts, wincing a bit when Locks turned sharply to him, a glare on his face, "is something wrong?"

" _Is something wrong_ ?" Locks repeats, practically growling. "Yes, of course, something is wrong! Our Quidditch commentator had to leave due to some ' _family emergency_ ' and we don't have a replacement."

"How about you sit down," Frank says softly as Sirius leans back away from the prowling student, offering a cup of newly poured tea to Locks who gracelessly falls onto the couch. "Tea?"

Locks takes the teacup and sips it. "Thanks," he mutters breathlessly like he ran a marathon. Which would probably be closer to the truth than Sirius thought since he no doubt ran all the way here from who knows where he was before coming to the common room.

Locks words repeated over and over in Sirius' head before he gets an idea. "Hey, Locks," he starts, getting the attention of the said person, "you were saying something about needing a new commentator?"

"Yeah..." Locks confirms, looking wary but perked up after a few seconds of thinking. "You know someone who could do it?"

Sirius grins. "Yeah, me."

Again, Locks starts looking wary. "I don't know...McGonagall might murder if I do..."

Sirius waves away his concerns. "No, she won't'. She adores me! I'm practically her favorite student!"

Frank opens his mouth. "Actually, I don-" His voice cuts off as Sirius puts his hand over his mouth.

"Don't mind him," Sirius says brightly, "he's just delusional. So, what do you need me to do?"

* * *

Minerva McGonagall knew she made a horrible, awful mistake when a smug Sirius Black walked into her classroom with a piece of paper folded in his hand. She could practically feel the smugness radiating off of him as he made his way towards her, and she could feel the incoming feeling of dread curling in her stomach.

Minerva watches as he casually walks towards her desk, slamming the piece of paper on the desk and, with more incivility than a student should when confronting their teacher, plops down on the chair in front of her, grinning. Minerva holds in an exasperated sigh and summons her courage.

"Mr. Black," Minerva starts warily, already dreading the conversation, "to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit this time?"

"Well, you see, Minnie-" This time, Minerva can't hold her sigh at the nickname, but she doesn't bother correcting him to avoid an unwanted and unnecessary argument. "-Simon Locks told me, and everyone in the common room who was actually listening, when he came running into the common room, distraught and looking quite pathetic if I'm being honest, which I always am..."

"The point, Mr. Black?" Minerva doesn't get paid enough for her students' crap they pull.

"I was getting there, Minnie." Minerva looked towards the ceiling, praying to any deity who will listen that this conversation is not what she thinks it's going to be. " _Anyways_ , the point is that Locks told me that they needed a new commentator since the other one bailed on it since he didn't want to get hit in the face again with an out-of-control bludger."

"He did not _bail_ because of that, he had a family emergency. And that is a perfectly reasonable response to something like that," Minerva stated tiredly, but Black just ignored her and continued.

"So, I, being the generous, handsome, incredible human being that I am, decide to volunteer my services to the cause."

It takes a few seconds for the words to fully process in her mind, and when they do, Minerva has the sudden urge to find some alcohol. She's not a big drinker, but that's not going to stop her from going to the nearest bar now is it?

Minerva takes another deep breath. She exhaled. Then she takes another, and, at Black's not subtle insistence, reluctantly takes the paper sitting on her desk and opens it.

_Dearest Minerva,_

Oh, dear. She can already tell this note is not going to be good for her health.

_Simon Locks has informed me of your predicament of the lack of a Quidditch commentator. My deepest apologies for sending Mr. Dimmal home; he was quite adamant about going home. It seemed that his mother was going to give birth, so you must see why I permitted him to head home._

_I digress. I, Albus Dumbledore, have given my permission to allow Sirius Black to become the temporary commentator until further notice._

_My sincerest apologies once again for the inconvenience._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Headmaster_

Minerva gently closes the letter, putting it back into the envelope. She looks up, spotting Black's frustratingly smug smile. She sighs once again.

"Get out of my office, Mr. Black."

"My pleasure! Bye Minnie~!"

The exact moment that Minerva's soul left her body was when she caught sight of Black's mischievous grin. That was also, consequently, the exact moment she decided to get a drink or resign. Whichever was less emotionally and financially draining.

* * *

"Remind me again why I agreed to come?" Kingsley Shacklebolt asks, pulling on his gloves and dragging his robes closer to him to ward off the chilly November air.

Remus Lupin, who is walking beside him, sighs. "I don't know," he admitted, looking at the sea of excited and chatty students in front of him. "I'm not quite sure why _I_ agreed to come."

Kingsley nods in sympathy; it wasn't Lupin's fault that one of his friends said he couldn't make it to the game since he had something to do. It also wasn't Lupin's fault that another one of his friends was on said Gryffindor Quidditch team and was no doubt bouncing off the walls at the fact that he would be finally able to destroy the Slytherin Quidditch team. Peter Pettigrew, one of the saner people in Lupin's friend group in Kingsley's humble opinion, was walking alongside them, happily waving at students. 

Kingsley looked down at the Quidditch field as he settled into his seat next to Lupin and Pettigrew. He was already apprehensive about the game today, not because he was worried Gryffindor wouldn't win, but because he had a strange feeling of panic encompassing his stomach that hopefully had nothing to do with Lupin's missing friend. He turned his gaze towards the scoring stand, where Sirius Black and Professor McGonagall sat. Even from where he was seated, Kingsley could see McGonagall's annoyed features and he had absolutely no idea why. 

Kingsley knew she was her bracing herself for what was to come, and, frankly, so was Kingsley. If McGonagall looks like someone had just torn her soul from her body, then Kingsley has good reason to be worried.

"Popcorn?" The quiet question brought him out of his stupor and he turned to Pettigrew, who held out an extra bag of buttered popcorn out to him. Kingsley nodded and mumbled his thanks, taking the offered bag. Pettigrew sat back in his seat, eyes trained on the pitch below. "Who do you think is gonna win?"

Kingsley shrugs. "Could be either. Personally, I hope Gryffindor wins so I don't have to tolerate Potter's rants about why they _should_ have won and that the Slytherin kind is nothing but cheating cheaters who cheat."

Pettigrew laughs, and even Lupin cracks a smile. Pettigrew smiles brightly at him, tearing his attention away from the field to grin at him. "Yeah," he nods. "He's probably going to do that if they don't win."

"No, Peter, he _will_ do it," Lupin corrected. "You know James, he'll take every chance he can get to insult the Slytherins. But, aside from that, I think _James_ and _Sirius_ are up to _something_."

Pettigrew pauses a moment before smiling slyly. Kingsley does not like that look. That is the look Potter or Black get when they decide to do something totally stupid and reckless that's going to get them into trouble while simultaneously destroying the whole Hogwarts population's belief that maybe, just maybe, they won't be cursing them out for the umpteenth time. He does not like that look one bit. "Yeah, I think _James_ and _Sirius_ are up to _something_ now that I think about it."

"Mhmm," Lupin says, nodding, trying to keep the smile off his face but ultimately failing. "Definitely up to _something_."

Kingsley gathers his courage to question them and ask what he's been thinking this entire conversation: " _What. The. Hell._ "

Lupin and Pettigrew completely ignore his bewildered look and turn to the scoring stand, grinning. Only when someone's all-too-familiar voice echoes across the stadium, when the students' faces drain of color, and when Lupin and Pettigrew start laughing softly does he realizes why he should be panicking and leaving immediately.

" _Welcome to the first Hogwarts Quidditch match of the season! I'm your host, Sirius Black, first-year extraordinaire, and I'll be filling in for Zacharias Dimmal since he had an unfortunate accident with a bludger and needed to be sent home. Disappointing. Let's have a moment of silence for Dimmal. I'm just kidding. Let's get this show on the road!"_

Kingsley groans, long and drawn out. Lupin and Pettigrew pat his shoulder, attempting to hold in their laughter at his utterly _done_ expression.

At least now he knows why McGonagall looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and never emerge.

He gets the feeling now.

* * *

"Let's introduce our guests who will be playing!" Sirius Black shouts through the microphone. "First up, we have the Slytherin team led by Orio Smith, and, I just have to ask, was it you who told Peeves that I hid his favorite whoopie cushion? I mean, you're not wrong, I did, but he deserved it. That's what he gets for taking my food. He's a ghost, he can't eat...."

"Mr. Black, please get back on track," Minerva practically pleaded. She knew this was a bad decision the moment he came into her office.

"I am on track, Professor, this is very important information. Totally related to the game." Black doesn't even miss a beat, just completely ignoring whatever she says. "Where was I? Oh, right. Introductions. Everyone give it up for the cunning, snarky, people who don't know the definition of _go away_ , Slytherins!"

Black looks smug even in the face of enraged shouts coming from across from the Slytherin stands and in the field. Minerva sighs, debating whether or not she can retire to not have to deal with this. Surely Albus wouldn't blame her. "Next up we have the incredible, the brave, the greatest house in the world, Gryffindor! If you turn your attention towards my dear friend, James Potter, you'll see a single idiot who's ready to decimate the other team and looking good while doing it! HI JAMES!"

The excited 'HI SIRIUS' could be heard around the stadium, and Minerva didn't know whether to be impressed that she could hear Potter from dozens of feet in the air or exasperated at the clear bias that Black has. She settles on exasperated. "You're supposed to be unbiased, Mr. Black, it's only fair."

Black just waves her off and Minerva doesn't know why she even tries. "Alrighty, let's get to the fun part. There's Madam Hooch with the brown ball coming out onto the field, can I hear a cheer for her?" Minerva can see the happy little smile on Hooch's lips when the crowd screams and she decides to ignore it. "That's what I'm talking about. Everyone ready? I hope you are because the game starts _now_!"

Minerva watches the players shoot upwards, watching with careful eyes as Potter catches the quaffle. "And James Potter catches the quaffle first-" Black cuts her off with an impressed whistle.

"GO JAMES! Ladies and gentlemen, I'd just like you all to know that James is my best friend and I taught him everything he knows." Black ignores the faint 'No, he didn't' from Potter and continues. "And James passes it to Meadows, who _almost_ drops it. Geez, Meadows, I thought you were better than this." Black also pointedly ignores the crude gesture coming from Meadows, but Minerva just mentally catalogs this in her mind to scold him later. 

"And Meadows scores a goal, 10 points to Gryffindor. It's 10 to 0, Gryffindor in the lead." Minerva flicks the scoring cards before Black can, but Black makes no move to flick it before her.

"And one of Slytherin's Chasers, Lakewells, catches the Bludger-"

"-Quaffle, Mr. Black. Do you even know the rules of the game?"

"-'Course I do. I'm trying to do my job, Professor, please stop interrupting me." Minerva raises her eyes to the sky, closing them for a few moments before turning her gaze back to the pitch. "Hey, Lakewells, I've been meaning to ask something. I believe you owe me four Galleons for convincing Silena Brury to go on a date with you."

An enraged shout comes from across the stands and Minerva swears she hears someone yell 'You what?!' from the Slytherin stands, but she can't be sure. Maybe she did hear correctly if the wince coming from Lakewells was any indication. "Oops. I wasn't supposed to say that. Don't worry Silena Brury, I'm available!"

"Mr. Black-"

"And Lakewells passes the ball to Johnson, who drops the ball. That's gotta sting, man; your girlfriend dumping you a few days ago and then dropping the Snitch-"

"-Again, it's called a _Quaffle_ -"

"-and maybe even losing the game for your team. You must be having a terrible week." Black just continues like she said nothing, which seems to be a common occurrence. Black nods in sympathy as Johnson dramatically flips upside down on his broom with a hand to his head after passing the Quaffle. "That's gotta suck. Anyways, let's stir away from _that_ trainwreck folks. Anybody seeing the Quadruple anywhere?"

"Wallis scores a goal after receiving the _Quaffle_. It is now 10 to 20, Slytherin in lead," Minerva cuts in.

"I SEE THE SNITCH!" Black screams abruptly at the top of his lungs, making all the teachers in close vicinity to him wince. The crowd screams along with him, giving Minerva a headache. "It's about to get interesting, folks. Let's introduce our Seekers! First up: the Slytherin Seeker, Mercury Robins! He was, unfortunately, the first one to spot the Snitch. Not before me, of course, I'm too awesome. He's chasing after it and-oh. Oh, hey, Robins, you look familiar. Where have I seen you before...?"

Minerva sighs, opening her mouth to speak but Black snaps his fingers with a look of recognition. "Aha! You were up roaming Hogwarts a few nights ago wearing bunny pajamas and running into walls! Ah, that was funny. Remember when you walked to the staircase, paused, and rammed your head straight into Nearly Headless Nick. He was so surprised that he squealed which prompted you to squeal. You sounded like a kitten."

Robins looked so flustered that he lost the Snitch and rammed his broom into the wall. The crowd bursts out laughing. "Like that," Black states seriously. "Exactly like that. Oh! And Gryffindor's Seeker, Tomas Sow, rushes towards the Snitch. It looks like he's about to get it! He reaches, but he instead gets hit by a bludger. Wow, bad luck. Where are the Beaters? Do your jobs. Sow almost died!"

"No, he didn't," Minerva intervenes. "He did not die."

"He could have."

"Unlikely."

"Agree to disagree," Black stubbornly mumbles. "Welp, guess this game is going on longer than it should have been. Oh-James just scored another goal! WHOOO! I think it's because I'm here that he's doing so good."

"Twenty to twenty; it's tied," Minerva says into the microphone tiredly. She's so done with this.

"Alright, folks, turn your attention to the Snitch as Tomas Sow and Mercury Robins are at it yet again! The Snitch has been spotted and the two are so close I bet they can taste the metal. It _is_ made out of metal, right?" He doesn't give her a chance to answer before he starts again. "Probably. Go Gryffindor!"

Minerva lays her head in her hands and sighs as Black screams excitedly. "TOMAS SOW HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

At least it's over with.

Lupin and Pettigrew had been gone for three minutes and thirty-two seconds. Three minutes and thirty-two seconds before the game ended. Three minutes and thirty-two seconds for them to cause trouble.

Kingsley had no idea where they've been in those three minutes and thirty-two seconds, and he's not sure he wants to. He _should_ go find them, to stop them from doing whatever stupid and crazy prank or joke they have in mind, but the thing about that is he doesn't _want_ to. He made a promise to himself at the beginning of the school year to stay away from whatever crap his four roommates get up to in their free time. He has broken that promise multiple times throughout recent months, but he will _not_ go looking for them.

As it turns out, he didn't have to.

Because they showed up on their own.

On the _goddamn_ Quidditch pitch, looking like devils with their grins.

He figured they were going to do something stupid, and he was right like he usually is when it comes to his roommates (they are _not_ his friends, no matter what Potter and Black say. Lupin might be somewhat saner than the rest of them, but Kingsley isn't taking any chances). Regrettably. It's sad and slightly concerning that he knows them so well with only a few months of being near them, but he can tell when they're planning something. And he prefers to ignore them.

Kingsley sighs, and settles back into his seat to watch the world burn as the troublemakers of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry celebrate Gryffindor's victory.

* * *

Remus stands off to the side, casually examining the set-up that Peter was working on. He looked over it with a critical eye, before nodding in satisfaction.

"It's perfect," he tells Peter who's grinning. "Now, all we have to do is wait until they finish the game."

"What if Gryffindor doesn't win? What do we do with these?" Peter questions, gesturing around them at the carefully piled stacks.

Remus shrugs. "Then we put them all away. It won't take too long if we use spells, and if I can convince Shacklebolt to help."

Peter gives him a look. "I highly doubt that he would voluntarily help us."

"Not if he doesn't know what he would be doing," Remus states slyly. Peter doesn't respond, mostly because they hear Sirius' delighted screaming.

" _TOMAS SOW HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS_!"

Remus and Peter make eye contact. Peter nods once, and Remus pulls out his wand, mumbling a simple spell. Bright sparks shoot from his wand and they wait until Sirius gives them the signal.

"BOMBS AWAY!"

There's the signal.

* * *

The world dissolved into chaos when those two words were said, more like _screamed_ in a microphone no less, by one Sirius Black as Peter Pettigrew activated dozens of fireworks which shot into the sky, exploding loudly and creating Gryffindor banners and crests. One of these firework designs was James Potter's face, another was James Potter riding on a broom, and another one was (and the Marauders unanimously decided it was the best one) Severus Snape hanging off the bottom of a broom that James Potter was riding on.

Gryffindor students were cheering, screaming at each other excitedly, as they ran out of the stands onto the Quidditch pitch, celebrating along with the Marauders. Everyone else was taking cover as Zonko's Joke Shop's Screaming Yo-yos were flung off the stands with magic, doing what they were meant to be doing: screaming.

The teachers were trying to calm everyone down, to no avail. The Gryffindor students were now chasing each other around the field with wands, making each other float, and doing various other spells.

The Marauders, sitting in their respective spots, unmoving, just cackled evilly at the chaos that unfolded.

* * *

It was no surprise that the Marauders got detention the moment everything got calmed down. 

It _was_ a surprise when Professor Minerva McGonagall walked into the Great Hall one morning after a week of detention with the Marauders, only to see flower, roses specifically,(her favorite) petals covering the floor of the hall with no one except the teachers and a few select students.

Minerva was exhausted. She had to be the one to supervise the Gryffindor idiots since she was their head of house (she knew she should have retired; it would have been less emotionally and physically draining than dealing with Potter and Black all day. Lupin and Pettigrew were _normally_ trying to get Potter and Black out of trouble, but as she said, _normally_ ).

Minerva huffs as she passes by the windows in Hogwarts, looking around the school suspiciously as all the few students who were out and about in the halls seem to be giving her strange, knowing looks and smiles. Immediately, she thinks that something was up, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and Potter and Black were nowhere to be seen, which could count for something. Not much, but something.

Minerva, still dead set on the idea that something has either a) gone horribly wrong or b) someone decided that playing a prank on the whole school after four students got detention a week ago was a good idea, quickens her pace towards the Great Hall.

Most students go to breakfast, but there are still a few certain students who wander around the halls during breakfast. Minerva doesn't say anything to those who do, but she still doesn't approve. Especially when all the stragglers who skip breakfast keep giving her weird looks as she walks to the Great Hall before quickly looking away before she can make eye contact. 

It's frustrating, but she doesn't say anything about it.

Minerva shouldn't be surprised when she walks into the Great Hall. She really shouldn't. However, she can't help but feel shocked when she walks in. Nobody's in the Great Hall, except a few teachers, and the usual benches where students eat are gone. Albus was chatting quietly to Pomona Sprout, with Filius Flitwick chirping in every few moments.

There are rose petals lining the floor of the Hall, which is her favorite flower. Some classical music is playing in the background, again her favorite type of music, and projections of some of her beloved old movies were playing on the walls and _what the hell is going on_.

Albus notices her first. He smiles at her as she walks forward and robotically takes her seat. "Hello, Minerva. Care to have some food? The house elves put a great deal of work into it."

Minerva looked down at the plates heaping with food and did a double-take. All her favorite foods are laid neatly on the table, looking scrumptious. Minerva carefully takes some, looking around the Hall until her eyes land on a strange weaved basket with a pretty dark green bow tied around the handle. "Albus," she starts slowly, gaining the Headmaster's attention, "what is all this?"

Albus smiles, eyes crinkling at the edges and he takes a sip of his drink. He places the cup down and speaks. "Well, certain... _occupants_ here felt that they've been a bit troublesome these past few months, and decided to give you a break. Today's your day off."

Minerva thinks over his words, dumbfounded. "But how...?"

"They came to me," Albus stated. "They asked for permission, and I gave it to them. They asked for things you liked, I provided the information. The next thing I know, the Great Hall is covered to suit your needs, students were fed and giving the Hall space, and this cute gift basket was placed on the table."

Albus gives her the basket and she takes it gently, grabbing the note and opening it with careful fingers.

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_We hope you enjoy this._

_Sincerely,_

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_

The gift basket had all of her favorite treats, along with some headache medicine that had its own separate note (it was just a smiley face), and multiple teas.

The note didn't specify _who_ was responsible for this, but Minerva had her suspicions.

But she elected to ignore them and enjoy her day off.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of writing from Minnie's POV. oops.
> 
> So, I've been doing some research (shocking, but I swear I research more things writing these five chapters than I did when writing my English research paper) on whether or not James Potter is a Quidditch Seeker of Chaser. While J.K Rowling revealed he was a Chaser, the books said he was a Chaser, the films said he was a seeker.
> 
> In Snape's worst memory, James is shown playing with a snitch, which made me even more confused. I spent like, half an hour debating whether to make him a Chaser or a Seeker, and ultimately, I decided to just go with whatever the Harry Potter Wiki said to line up with the timeline, so Chaser it was.
> 
> Thank you for listening to my TED Talk.


	6. A Surprise is Not an Acceptable Excuse for Kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minerva decides that maybe, just maybe, she should pay back the troublemakers of Gryffindor.  
> Sirius and James are thrilled.  
> Remus is surprised but helps out.  
> Peter is all too happy to particapte.  
> And Kingsley...Kingsley thinks that he deserves a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest: I dunno what this chapter is.  
> Hope you enjoy it!  
> WARNING: BRIEF MENTION OF THE STATISTICS OF KIDNAPPINGS IS INCLUDED!

Minerva McGonagall could count on one hand how many students she's had that actually cared enough to convince the Headmaster to give her a day off. The list of those students was very short, with only four names on it. And those four names were in cohorts with each other. Minerva didn't expect students to care much about how overworked she sometimes was (dealing with first years was _hard_ especially if those first years were named Sirius Black and James Potter); she was a teacher, not a friend. It wasn't in her job description to expect those kinds of things. Who would?

But, the four students who had given her more gray hairs than she was willing to admit and were the sole core of her stress, had gone above and beyond to make sure she had gotten a well-deserved day off. Minerva's not going to lie to herself and say she expected it, because she didn't, and she's not one to lie to herself. Frankly, they were the last people that she would ever think to do something like this.

How did they even convince Albus? When Minerva had asked said individual about it, he merely winked at her and said that they were very convincing. Minerva was about ninety percent sure that the 'convincing' ones were Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew since they were the hardest to say no to, but Black and Potter were always ones to surprise unknowing people, Minerva included.

Minerva, despite her reluctant gratitude, quite appreciated the fact that the children did something so sweet for her and she was determined to pay them back, teacher be damned.

Now, Minerva isn't one to be in debt to people; she _hates_ being in debt to people who's done so much good to her without her ever returning the favor. It's like an endless black void of debts that Minerva forces herself to pay back because she refuses to not give these extraordinary people the kindness they gave her back to them. 

Minerva gathers her courage and walks briskly to Albus' office. She wouldn't be surprised if Albus already knew what she wanted to do, but better be safe than sorry.

As it turns out, Albus _did_ know that she wanted to repay certain students and happily agreed to her plan. He told her that he'd get everything ready and that all Minerva had to do was find a way to get four students to participate in her plan.

What better way to do that than talk to someone who's around them?

* * *

Kingsley thought that maybe he should have stayed in bed today. That thought seems to be a common occurrence since he came to Hogwarts. It's not fully because of stress, no, Kingsley is quite confident that he is sufficiently prepared for his tests and lessons for the day. It's because that his Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall, called him to her office and he has no idea why.

He wonders if he failed a piece of homework or forgot to turn parchment in. Perhaps he didn't meet the requirements for the three-page essay he had to write? He doesn't know; as far as he's concerned, all of his work is complete and within the restrictions. He would know since he checks multiple times.

Kingsley can't think of anything that his professor would be upset or disappointed in. But, he'd just have to ask her. Then he'd get his much-needed answers before he combusts from anxiety.

Kingsley stops at the Transfiguration classroom door, and, after many contemplative moments, he pushes open the door. McGonagall was sitting quietly at her desk, sipping some tea and munching on a biscuit. She didn't even look up from her work when Kingsley walked in. Instead, she just waved her hand in greeting and said, "Mr. Shacklebolt, thank you for coming. Have a seat, please."

Kingsley walks to the chair cautiously and sits down. McGonagall looks up once he sits down, and her piercing eyes make Kingsley feel infinitely more nervous than he was before. "Mr. Shacklebolt," she starts slowly, "I assume you are wondering why you're here?"

"Yes, Professor." Kingsley nods his head so fast he thinks it might fall off. At least that would get him out of this anxiety-inducing situation.

McGonagall pushes her plate of biscuits towards him, but Kingsley makes no move to grab one. "Well, you are not in trouble." Kingsley has never been so relieved to hear those words before. McGonagall watches him as he visibly relaxes. "But," she continues, making Kingsley tense up again, "I need a favor."

Silence as Kingsley processes her words. When his brain finally catches up, it's all he can do to stop his mouth from sagging open. "W-What?" Kingsley is so confused. "What do you mean?"

McGonagall sighs, long and tired and it portrays her feelings on the matter so well that Kingsley can't help but feel a little sorry for his professor. "I said I need a favor." She sounded so utterly done like she would like to be anywhere else right this instant, which makes Kingsley question why she was even asking him this.

"Y-Yeah, I heard that," Kingsley stuttered. "But..." Kingsley didn't even know what else to say but he didn't have to since McGonagall carries on.

"You are roommates with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and James Potter, correct?" Kingsley nods absentmindedly. "Well, they, and I say this with the utmost reluctance, decided to give me a day off yesterday as sort of...an apology so to speak for being difficult these past few months. So, I, with Headmaster Dumbledore's permission, decided to repay the favor."

Now Kingsley knows why Minerva looked like she craved death. Kingsley would, too, if he were in her position. Kingsley takes a deep breath after mulling over his professor's words. "Okay," he murmured. "But what does this have to do with me?"

McGonagall sighs. "I have an idea that the headmaster is putting into place this instant, so my only job was getting the four students to participate with said idea with still keeping it a surprise. That's where you come in."

Kingsley just sighs and agrees to her plan after she explains it. It _would_ be fun, chaotic just like how his roommates like it, and Kingsley gets (sort of) why McGonagall had the urge to do this. He didn't blame her; he, too, had problems with owing people. 

Kingsley left the Transfiguration classroom with a plan and a stomach full of resignation.

Just a typical day.

* * *

James didn't expect to be kidnapped. It wasn't _his_ fault that he was so dashingly handsome that someone went to extreme lengths to kidnap him for it. Honestly, what kind of crazy person kidnaps an innocent, twelve-year-old child?

Actually, Remus once told him that the statistics for kidnappings for people twelve years or older is 81 percent. So, really, James shouldn't be surprised.

But he is startled when a potato sack (at least he thinks it's a potato sack; it smells like potatoes) is shoved over his head and he's picked up, his kidnapper running through the halls. James could picture the students in the Hogwarts' hallways staring at them as they rush by, a person with a potato sack as a head slung over a running man(?). But it didn't because he was too busy panicking.

He's never been kidnapped before, of course. He didn't think he ever would be kidnapped, not at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, one of the safest places in the world. Unless this wasn't a kidnapping and just a joke! Or a prank. James wouldn't be surprised if someone decided to get him back for all "the grievances you've given people, Merlin James, someone's going to try and prank you back one day if you keep this up" in the words of his, at the time, incredibly stressed-out friend, Remus.

James should just not panic. That's the first thing to do. James doesn't know, they don't exactly cover what to do when being kidnapped in boarding school. So, James controls his breathing and just tries not to violently jerk around and keep calm.

James loses track of time, but only when he's put down and when he hears voices does he realize that this wasn't an actual kidnapping...he thinks.

"...thanks Meadows." That was a male voice, and incredibly familiar. "I owe you one."

"Nah," replied another familiar voice, James assumes is 'Meadows' which sounds equally as familiar. "It's fine. I just enjoyed putting a potato sack around his head."

The next voice was the same one as before, their dry tone completely different from Meadows' gleeful voice. "Yeah...thanks again."

"Mhmm!" James heard faint footsteps walk away from him, presumably. James also heard a tired sigh before the sack was taken off his head.

James blinked his eyes back into focus, wincing when the faintest light, which James thinks is stupid since the room is barely lit up, hits his eyes. When his eyes do finally adjust, James recoils in shock.

"Shacklebolt?" _Kingsley Shacklebolt_ was his kidnapper? "Why did you kidnap me?"

Shacklebolt sighs, looking tired and done with this situation. Which he, in James' humble opinion, should _not_ have that face on since he wasn't the one who was _literally kidnapped-what the hell_.

"Look, Potter," Shacklebolt starts. "First off, _I_ didn't kidnap you, _Meadows_ did. Secondly, this wasn't a kidnapping."

"Then what was it-?" James hardly got those words out before the room's lights turned out, making James shut his mouth in surprise and maybe a bit of awe.

The room, which was _huge_ by the way, looked like a gameshow room. Behind four stands, James spots his friends, fellow Marauders, looking bemused. There was a projection in the front of the room, where a very excited-looking Alice Fortescue stood, dressed up with her wand in hand. Along with the four stands that James and his friends stood behind was an additional two desks, one held Frank Longbottom and Pandora Lestrange.

Near the projection, surprisingly, stood Lily Evans, also dressed up and looking none too happy to be there. James feels like laughing at her obvious discomfort, and he would, if he wasn't so, so confused.

James noticed that behind the gameshow stands (he asks again: w _hat the hell)_ teachers and students are watching, eating popcorn and other foods, drinking and chatting with people next to them. James barely has one moment to think _oh, something's going on_ before Alice Fortescue is shouting into her wand, which James assumed was charmed since it projects her voice around the room.

" _Hellooo_ Hogwarts!" Fortescue exclaimed. "Welcome to the first annual Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry gameshow: Mind of Magic, the show where we ask _you_ questions and _you_ answer! I'm your host, Alice Fortescue, and this is my co-host, Lily Evans. Let's get started, shall we?"

James has no idea what's going on, but he can't bring himself to hate it.

* * *

" _First, let's see how to play!_ "

Minerva really hopes she didn't make a mistake when electing Alice Fortescue as the host, but shockingly, Fortescue had asked Lily Evans to help her out so Minerva still held out hope that this wouldn't have been a giant mistake. She left Fortescue and Evans to decide on the rules of the game, and Minerva had approved their ideas. She just hopes it wasn't a bad idea.

She settles back into the chair in the audience stands (Minerva was still in awe at the fact that Albus had pulled all of this together in only a few hours, but she really shouldn't be. This is Albus Dumbledore she's talking about.) and listens to Fortescue talk into her wand excitedly, acting like a real game show host despite her young age.

" _First, a competitor will choose one randomized box that includes each subject. Then_ _the competitor will be given a question about any and all subjects taught here at Hogwarts. This includes, but not limited to: Muggle Studies, Astronomy, and Divination! For every question one of our competitors gets right, they earn ten points. But! There's a twist. When the said competitor gets a question right, they can forfeit their ten points in favor of playing one of our extra games that can give you more points, but there is also the possibility of losing points!_

" _Competitors can **not** use this option on their first turn, so keep that in mind! Something else you should keep in mind is that the 'extra games' can put you in debt! I would be careful with that knowledge. If a competitor answers wrong, another competitor can 'steal' the question and answer by pressing the button on their stands! The competitor with the most points at the end of the game wins the prize of 30 galleons and, drumroll, please...a pass on all piece of homework for the week of your choice!"_

Minerva resists the urge to smirk smugly as the excited gasps and chorus of 'No fair!' echoes around the hall. The Marauders, as Minerva and others have taken to calling them, seem surprised, but the shock is quickly wiped off their faces and is replaced by determination.

" _Are you ready?_ " Fortescue asks into her wand. The audience screams their consent. " _Then let's get started! We'll start with introducing our lovely competitors~_ "

Fortescue walks towards the participants stands, confidently leaning on Frank Longbottom's desk, who looks like he's about to combust with his excitement. " _What's your name?_ " She asks kindly, and then, in a fake-whisper, says, " _I already know your name, Frank, this is just for the audience, mkay?_ "

Longbottom nods, leaning close to Fortescue to speak into the wand. " _Hi!_ " He says loudly. " _My name's Frank Longbottom and it's great to be here today, Alice!_ "

" _So, Frank, you think you're gonna win? We have a lot of tough questions and even tougher competitors today, so it's not going to be easy._ "

" _Nothing's easy, Alice, but I am confident enough in my abilities to win this!_ " Fortescue nods along with Longbottom's words.

" _Well, good luck to you, Frank. We'll see what you've got in just a few moments._ " Fortescue walks away from Longbottom towards Pandora Lestrange, who smiles pleasantly at her with distant eyes. " _Hiya, I'm Alice Fortescue, as you know. You?_ "

" _Pandora Lestrange_ ," Lestrange says softly. _"I'm more or less here to enjoy myself, Alice._ "

" _Oh_." Fortescue doesn't seem to know what to say to that. " _Uh, well, ever heard the quote: 'champions don't show up to get everything they want; they show up to give everything they have'?_ "

Lestrange tilts her head. " _Yes_ _, I have. Why is this relevant?_ "

Fortescue blinks. " _Um, no reason_ _. Well, good luck...enjoying yourself, I suppose._ " Lestrange nods, and even from the stands, Minerva can see the way Fortescue's face twists into amusement before she's moving on to the next person: James Potter.

" _Hello! Nice to meet you,_ " Fortescue says cheerfully. " _Alice Fortescue at your service and you are~?_ "

" _James Potter_."

Fortescue grins. " _Fantastic, how are you feeling today?_ "

" _Oh,_ " Potter huffs, " _I'm not doing too great, Alice_."

Fortescue smiles kindly. " _And why's that_?"

" _Well, f_ _or starters, I was kidnapped and thrown here without any idea why and then told I was going to be participating in this._ "

Minerva sighs and puts her head in her hands. She makes eye contact with Kingsley Shacklebolt, who gives her an apologetic shrug and turns his attention back to the setup. Minerva groans.

Fortescue doesn't seem to know how to respond to that. " _Oh, um, well, it was supposed to be a surprise._ "

" _A surprise is not an acceptable excuse for kidnapping, Alice, surely you can understand my pain_."

Fortescue blinks. " _I...I guess so. But, surely you are partly excited to be here, hm?_ "

" _Oh, definitely, Alice, don't get me wrong. I'm going to destroy everyone here. No mercy for you, especially you, Sirius, don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because you're my best friend_."

Minerva sighs along with Remus Lupin, who no doubt shares her pain, as Sirius Black responds with an " _I would expect nothing less!_ " and Fortescue exclaiming something about a declaration of war.

At least this wasn't _entirely_ a mistake.

* * *

"Okay, everyone!" Fortescue says, pointing towards the projector behind her where Evans was. "We'll start with Frank Longbottom. You ready?"

James can't see Longbottom's response, be he's fairly certain that he nodded. "Great!" Fortescue continues. "First, please choose a box on the projector. Will you choose one, two, or three?"

"I think I'll go with...three!" Longbottom decides. Evans walks over to the projector and stands near the box labeled _Three_. 

"Great choice!" Fortescue praises. "And your subject is...History of Magic! Interesting. Are you confident in this subject?"

Longbottom seems sheepish. "Eh, I'm not bad, but I'm not good. I'm the best at Herbology."

Fortescue nods sympathetically. "Same. Well, your question is: In 1637, the Wizards' Council developed the...? You have ten seconds on the clock starting...now!"

James hears the annoying _tick-tock_ of the clock, but James waits patiently as the time slowly runs out. The buzzer sounds and Fortescue nods towards Longbottom, who looks quite confident. "Times up!" She says. "And your answer is...?"

"The Werewolf Code of Conduct."

Fortescue pauses for dramatic effect, and during that time, James notices Remus looks a bit uncomfortable, but James pushes it aside as nerves. "Correct! Would you like to take the ten points or play one of our extra games?"

"I'll take the ten points, please." Longbottom sounds quite relieved.

"Excellent! Ten points to Frank Longbottom, which puts him in the lead, of course!" Fortescue walks over to Pandora Lestrange. "And our next contestant is Pandora Lestrange. Once again, which box will you choose: one, two, or three?"

"Number one, please," Lestrange says distantly.

"Perfect. Your topic is...Potions! You feeling good about this one?"

Lestrange nods, and that's that since she doesn't celebrate. Fortescue clears her throat. "Your question is: In a forgetfulness potion, how long is it recommended to leave the potion to brew? Ten seconds starting now."

James is getting tired of waiting for those ten seconds to be up, he just wants it to be his turn. The ten seconds _finally_ are up and Fortescue asks Lestrange what her answer is.

"Forty-five minutes to an hour."

"That is, once again, correct. Would you like to-"

"I'll take the ten points, thank you."

"O-kay!" Fortescue walks quickly towards James, smiling at him. "It's James Potter's turn now! Box number one, two, or three?"

"Two. Box number two, Alice."

"Mhm. And your first subject is: Defence Against the Dark Arts! Ooh! I've heard you're pretty good at DADA, right?"

James smirks and nods. "it's my favorite subject and my best."

Fortescue returns his smirk with a wide grin of her own. "Well, your question is: What does the Verdimillious Charm do? You have ten seconds to answer."

James knows this one. It's one of the first things his class and he were taught. So, James waits once again (screw that stupid beeping sound; it's the bane of James' existence) until the timer is up and Fortescue is asking him for his answer.

"The spell can be used offensively in a dual and can be used to reveal objects hidden by Dark Magic."

"Correct!" Fortescue all but screeches. "Would you like to take the ten points or-"

"I," James starts, pausing and smirking confidently to the crowd, "would like to do the extra game."

* * *

Perhaps this was a mistake, Minerva muses. She shouldn't be surprised that Potter chooses to do something other than just receiving the ten points. She wouldn't have been surprised if he did the exact same thing the rest of the time.

" _Ooh! Really? Are you willing to take the chance?_ " Fortescue questions, smiling widely. She's enjoying this way too much, honestly.

"' _Course I am_ ," Potter utters coolly. " _What's the game_?"

" _I'm so glad you asked! Lily?_ " Evans nods and changes the projector screen with a flick of her wrist and a mumbled word. Minerva is quite impressed as the projector changes smoothly and immediately. She really should give Evans some extra credit. " _This game is called Task. It's where **all**_ _competitors participate, not just you, James. You'll all be given a task to do, and, in this case, the task is finding something hidden around this room. The first person to find and bring me or Lily the hidden object wins. You are_ ** _not_** _allowed to harm other players, but the use of magic is allowed. Jinxes and defensive spells only._

" _You'll be given five minutes to find the object. If I, or anyone else, sees any foul play, you'll be immediately eliminated from the game and the show entirely. Does everyone understand?_ " Minerva assumes that Fortescue receives some sort of confirmation since she smiles and speaks again. " _Your time starts now!_ "

* * *

James was, unsurprisingly in his opinion but everyone else just rolls their eyes and disagrees with him, the first one to find the object and hand it over to Fortescue gleefully. He found it in just under four minutes, hidden underneath one of the competitor's stands. James reveled in the upset looks of his fellow contestants, smirking when one of them ( ~~cough cough Sirius cough~~ ) sends him a dirty look.

Fortescue takes the object, a simple Transfiguration book that James feels has some importance but elects to ignore his suspicions, and smiles at him. "James Potter has found the object! Fifty points to him!"

"Fifty?!" Sirius exclaims in outrage.

Fortescue nods. "Mhmm. Each one of these games has a different point value if someone wins. This one just so happened to be one of the highest. Now, let's continue, shall we?"

The game went on for forty more minutes, and James enjoyed every minute of it. He especially enjoyed it when he received the 30 galleon prize and the homework pass. Well, he tied with Remus, but at least he beat Sirius. He is so going to rub that in his face at every possible moment.

One moment, after the game finished when everyone was leaving, confused James. As he was walking out of the room, McGonagall approached him. She gave him a curt nod and, before walking away, she murmured, "Good job, Potter."

That hidden Transfiguration book definitely had to have some kind of importance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no concrete evidence that Pandora Lovegood is Pandora Lestrange (believe me, I spent way too long searching it up), but I read this interesting Amino by Lucy Rowlafe about how Pandora could have been a Lestrange because Xenophilius, as in Xenophilius Lovegood, means 'the one who loves the Strange' which sounds like 'Lestrange'. It's quite interesting so I decided to use it.
> 
> Here's the link:
> 
> [Link to Pandora Lestrange Amino Theory!](https://aminoapps.com/c/harry-potter/page/item/pandora-lovegood-nee-lestrange/YVTX_IejJqvmzaJ664oWz52Ekn0Low)
> 
> Sorry, this is out later than usual and shorter than usual. I have had a cold and a headache and I have been feeling like crap for the past few days and all I want to do is lay down on my and do nothing.  
> So, again sorry. Also, I wouldn't expect a chapter next week since Remus Lupin's birthday is on March 10 and I want to spend an extra amount of time on that chapter.


	7. [BONUS CHAPTER] The Hogwarts Birthday Olympics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Remus Lupin's birthday and the Hogwarts population are bracing themselves for the chaos that will inevitably come.  
> They are not disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT APART OF THE ACTUAL STORYLINE! IT'S, AS SAID IN THE TITLE, A BONUS CHAPTER IN THE SPIRIT OF A CERTAIN SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY.  
> This is set on March 10, 1972, not in middle December where it's set in now.

In March, in the night before the tenth, Sirius Black pushed the door open quietly, creeping down the stairs with light footsteps. It was late into the night, well over the designated curfew time of ten p.m., when the meeting time was arranged. Sirius had groaned at the ungodly time when his alarm, a spell Evans cast on their earmuffs the night before, blared loudly in his ears.

He really did not want to wake up. Who would at this hour? But, despite the nagging exhaustion and fatigue, Sirius had gotten up and got dressed in casual clothes, silently walking downstairs. Sirius has been here long enough to know what stairs and floorboards creaked, so he could have easily avoided them in his sleep if he wanted to. He was practically asleep anyways.

Sirius stepped down from the last step and looked around the barely lit common room. Candles were lit and glowing softly from their places on randomly placed tables. Chairs were pulled up to said tables with people sitting in them, looking tired and eating food. Sirius wonders where they got the food, then turns his head towards the coffee table. Well, where the coffee table _was_ because it was now replaced with a long buffet table, filled to the brim with snacks and drinks.

James must have gotten the house-elves to help out since he's on good terms with them. Sirius even thinks they own him a few favors. For what, he doesn't know. It's probably best not to ask.

Shacklebolt is the first one to notice Sirius, giving him a polite wave before going back to eat his candy. Sirius waves at him distractedly, staring intently at the buffet table, and all but runs towards the coffee machine. He doesn't drink much coffee, or coffee in general, very often, but it's almost one in the morning on a freaking Tuesday, so Sirius is going to completely ignore the fact that he doesn't enjoy it very much.

He pours himself a cup, wrinkling his nose at the smell, and puts in a frankly unhealthy amount of cream and pumpkin spice flavored syrup to drown out the taste of regular coffee. Sirius downs half of the cup in minutes, hardly feeling any better, and starts to glare at the coffee in his hand.

Sirius hears approaching footsteps and looks up, seeing James who is wearing pajamas with flying snitches that Sirius knows for a fact that the snitches were not flying when James got the clothes. Sirius smothers his snort by gulping down more of his coffee. With how much caffeine he's consuming, Sirius bids away any hope of going back to sleep. Oh, dear insomnia, what fun.

"Sirius?" His friend, James, asks. "We're starting the meeting in a few minutes and I need your help carrying a chalkboard into here."

Sirius stares at him. "Why do you need a chalkboard?"

James shrugs. "You'll see," he says ominously.

Sirius sighs and follows his friend away from the common room. "How big is this chalkboard? What the-?" Sirius stares up at the giant chalkboard towering above the ground on wheels. "Wait. It's on _wheels_. Why do you need help carrying it if it has wheels?"

James looks down at the chalkboard's wheels. "Oh," he mutters. "I didn't see those..."

"Of course you didn't." Sirius feels his eye twitch. "You take the board into the common room and set it up how you like, and I'm going to go get a bit more sleep in before the meeting. Okay? Okay, great."

And Sirius walks away, gracelessly falling on a free couch, and half-heartedly flings a blanket over himself. Sirius snuggles into the couch, graciously waiting just a few more minutes of sleep.

Only to be woken up a few minutes later by muttered words, someone casting a spell Sirius presumes. Sirius groans, smashing his face with his pillow to block out the mild light, and subsequently, the sounds of socialization.

Sirius can feel himself drifting off again, but is woken up by Shacklebolt, who was gently shaking his shoulder, this time. "Wake up," Shacklebolt whispers. "The meeting's starting."

Sirius would have smacked Shacklebolt in the face when he quickly sat up if Shacklebolt hadn't moved in time. "Sorry," Sirius muttered sheepishly, watching as Shacklebolt got up and walked away. Sirius turned his attention towards the makeshift stage, where James was standing in front of the large chalkboard on wheels.

James coughed loudly to get everyone's attention. "Evans? Are the spells up?"

Lily Evans nods from her place next to Alice Fortsque on the couch across from Sirius. James grins and claps his hands together. "Great! For those of you wondering, muffler spells have been cast to not bother anyone who is currently sleeping."

"Remind me just _why_ we decided to do this at one in the morning?" Sirius asks sleepily.

"Dunno." What a way with words James has. "Anyway! I'm assuming only a select few people know why we're meeting today. But, as I said, only a _few_ of you know, so I'm going to tell the rest of you why! Ever heard of Remus Lupin?"

A few hesitant nods can be seen throughout the crowd. Or, at least, in Sirius' peripheral vision since turning his head requires too much work and he's tired (like any normal person would be at this hour).

"Yeah, well, he's one of my friends, and his birthday is tomorrow. So I, being the incredible person that I am, have decided to throw him a birthday 'party'!"

"What's with the quotes?" A person who Sirius is fifty percent sure is Evans asks skeptically.

"I'm so glad you asked!" Sirius highly doubts that but he doesn't say anything. "You see, birthday parties can get _boring_ as I'm sure everyone here knows. I certainly find them getting dull after a while. So, I have come up with a fantastic birthday party that is...adding a whole new meaning to the word! But, I need _your_ help." And, under his breath, "Wow, that sounds _really_ cliche."

"But what about The Hunt?" Alice Fortsque raises. "It's still happening."

James shrugs. "Everyone can continue with The Hunt, this won't take long. You don't _have_ to agree, but it would be greatly appreciated."

Evans sighs, and Sirius can hear it, which really says something about her feelings on the matter (unless she's just as tired as Sirius is, but he's sure Evans is not. Sirius is confident that she wakes up earlier than what any normal human would believe is possible) since he's a considerable distance away from her. "Are we going to get in trouble for it?" Evans questions, eyes narrowing.

"Probably not. Minnie adores me," James responds, grinning.

"Is this illegal?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"Are we going to get expelled?"

"Debatable."

"Is this a dumb plan?"

"I'd rather not answer that."

Evans sighs again, portraying her _I am so done with this_ feeling, and mutters, "I'm probably going to regret this, but," she takes a deep breath and says, louder, "I'm in."

Perhaps the sigh was more like _I am so done with this but am willing to participate despite the cost to my sanity_. Sirius can't relate, especially since he was now less tired than before and now excited for James' supposedly dumb plan.

* * *

Minerva 'Minnie' McGonagall does not, in fact, adore James Potter. She is rather annoyed by him most of the time; incredibly disrespectful, a troublemaker, and a prankster are all things that Potter is. It's slightly concerning that Minerva knows this after only a few months of knowing her student. But, Minerva knows that everywhere Potter goes, chaos follows. That, Minerva is sure of.

So when the bane of her existence waltzes in through her classroom door at four in the morning, looking exhausted with giant eye bags under his eyes yet still managing to look like he owns the place, Minerva starts getting flashbacks from the last time Potter came to talk to her. He was even holding an envelope just like the last time he came.

Potter all but _pranced_ towards the desk, sitting down on the chair in front of her, grinning from ear-to-ear. He places the paper that was in his hands gently on the table, smirking at Minerva as stares at it with apprehension. "You know," the gremlin starts smugly, leaning back in his chair, "this reminds me of the last time I was here-"

_Unfortunately_ , in Minerva's opinion, she was also remembering the said time. But, Minerva, in contrast to Potter, was probably recalling the familiar feeling of resignation and the sense of foreboding that usually follows Potter. "Mr. Potter," Minerva cuts him off before he can begin. "Do you need something?"

Potter smirks. "Why, yes, Professor, I do."

"And that is-?" Minerva, with no small amount of dread questions.

"You know of Remus Lupin, I presume." At least he wasn't wasting her time.

_Well...that's_ debatable.

"I do, he is one of my students, as you should know." Minerva hates that she has no idea where this conversation is going, but this seems to be a reoccurring affair that is _not_ good for Minerva's health.

Potter nods, looking more like a professional journalist consulting his boss rather than a first-year discussing something with his teacher. Minerva finds this very stupefying for some reason. "First of all, I would like to say I have gotten our very own Headmaster to agree with this, so even if you veto this idea, your thoughts will be taken into consideration, but ultimately trivial."

Blunt as ever, Minerva feels, despite her irritating sentiment, slightly proud. Not many students, not many _first-years_ nonetheless, would talk like that to a teacher, especially not to one as unnerving as Minerva herself. Yes, she knows exactly how frightening she can be and she uses that to her full advantage.

"I understand. Carry on."

Potter nods again, looking somewhat relieved. "So, Remus' birthday is today, and my fellows Gryffindors, including myself, have been planning a school-wide game." Potter holds up a hand, presumably to stop her interrupting. Quite rude, in Minerva's opinion, even if she _was_ going to interrupt him. "Yes, I, and everyone else included in this 'game', knows that The Hunt waits for no one. No, we will not ignore it."

Minerva sighs, resisting the urge to rub her temples to ward off the incoming migraine. "Okay, continue."

"I just wanted to warn you about what's going to happen. Not just this morning, but throughout the day." Potter gives her a winning smile that is probably supposed to be reassuring, but all it does is make the pit of dread in Minerva's stomach grow.

Minerva sighs once again, realizing that today was not going to be normal whatsoever and not being one bit surprised about it.

Strange days are becoming more and more common, and Minerva has a feeling she knows exactly why.

* * *

In movies and TV shows, people always seem to be able to sense if something strange was going to happen, be it a bad omen or a murderer sneaking up behind you or a sense of foreboding where you contemplate what might exist in the Mariana Trench and when will it inevitably kill you, the characters always seemed to have a basic idea of what's about to happen.

Unless the characters are stupid and have no common sense or self-preservation, of course.

Unfortunately, Remus Lupin is not in a movie or TV show. Nor does he have some kind of sixth sense that warns him of anything. But what he _does_ have, unlike _some_ people (cough cough _James_ cough cough), is common sense (and self-preservation but that isn't important right now nor is it prominent in his life). And his common sense is telling him that something is going on.

Or, a better description, something _will_ be going on. And Remus absolutely refuses to be in the center of it.

Despite his friends' beliefs, Remus does not want to participate in their...extracurricular activities or pranks, as most people would call them. And, regardless of his best efforts, he seems to keep getting into trouble with the idiots.

So, Remus refuses to go along with whatever his 'sixth sense' is telling him. It's his birthday, he deserves a break and no one can fault him for that.

Remus walks through the halls, nearing the Great Hall and completely ignoring any spots that the idiots of Gryffindor who, for some reason, he decided to befriend. He waved at some of the other students, chatted with a few Ravenclaw first-years who studied with him, and basked in the peace and quiet that would soon be pushed away by James and Sirius' strange conversations.

Honestly, it's like Remus was the only mature one in their little group. Well, Peter wasn't as immature as the rest of his friends, but he still got up to a fair amount of trouble even without James and Sirius' influence and persistent pestering.

Remus hummed as he entered the Great Hall with dozens of other students, locating his usual seat, and plopped his books down before sitting next to his friends. While Remus was piling his plate, he looked at Peter with raised eyebrows.

"Peter," Remus starts slowly, imploring his fidgety friend to understand his extreme concern at the absence of two very trouble-prone people. "Where are James and Sirius?"

Peter looks distressed. "Um, I don't know?"

It wouldn't have been very convincing even if he hadn't said it like a question. "You don't know?" Mirroring, which is what he's doing right now, is one the best ways to get information. Remus didn't _like_ manipulating his friend, but he's not above doing it for the greater good. The greater good, in this case, is making sure his other friends are getting themselves killed or expelled.

"Y-Yeah," Peter mumbles, looking like he just wants to melt into a puddle of anxiety. Remus feels bad, but that's not going to stop him from getting important information. "L-Last time I-I saw them, they were heading up to Dumbledore's office and-" Peter immediately closed his mouth, looking panicked. It seems he wasn't supposed to say that.

" _Peter_." That got his attention. Either his emphasis or his icy tone did, and personally, Remus didn't know which one was more effective. "Why were they going to the headmaster's office? I know for a fact that they haven't gotten detention in a week, which is a new record for them."

Peter looks like a lost child, but he holds his ground. How valiant. "I dunno."

Remus inhales, then exhales. "I want you to know that if this school somehow goes up in flames, it'll be your fault." And with that, Remus went back to eating his food, a shaken Peter beside him.

Remus was suspicious for the entire breakfast, eyes never once straying from the places that he knew for a fact his friends were planning on trapping or doing something to. Alas, nothing happened. But, Remus only relaxed once the bell sounded, announcing the nearing end of breakfast.

He got up, along with several hundred other students, and pushed his way forward, only to stop in confusion when the crowd wasn't moving.

"HEY! WHAT's GOING ON?" Someone yelled right into Remus' ear. Remus winced, moving away from the loud voice. He couldn't say he wasn't curious since he was, but he wasn't about to _scream_. That's a little extreme, in his humble opinion.

Thankfully, someone saved Remus from going deaf. And that person sounded oddly familiar.

" _Hello, students of Hogwarts!_ " The voice of Sirius Black echoes around the hall and the noises around the room stopped, and so does Remus' heart. " _I hope you all are ready for a fun game of Capture the Flag, The Floor is Lava, Wizards' Pictionary, and more! Welcome to the Hogwarts Birthday Olympics, dedicated to my dear friend Remus Lupin! Happy birthday, Remus! I have also been told that there are multiple other birthdays today, so happy birthday to you, too!"_

A poster drops from the ceiling, spreading across the closed door of the Great hall, clearly displaying the words _Happy Birthday, Remus Lupin!_

Remus sighs. He should have expected this

* * *

" _Let me explain the rules!_ " Sirius continues, to Remus' dismay. " _There aren't any! Well, the only real thing is don't get caught cheating! If you do, then you will be eliminated from whatever game you were caught cheating in!_ "

" _I'm guessing you all are wondering why there are no_ _rules_." Another voice says. A female voice this time and Remus is shocked to realize that it was Lily Evans. He didn't expect her to participate in this. " _The answer to that is simple: it's fun!_ "

" _First things first, let's get to introducing our stagehands._ " That's James. Of course, it is. Remus bets Peter's in on this, too, if his disappearance is any indication. " _If you turn your attention to the front of the room..._ "

" _...You'll see Mister Peter Pettigrew_." Remus knew it. " _Go ahead and wave Peter, let everyone know where you are._ " Remus vaguely spots a hand raised above the crowd. " _Thanks, Pete! Really appreciate it. Next up we have..._ "

" _...Kingsley Shacklebolt, to the right of Pettigrew. You know what to do, Shacklebolt_." Remus sees another hand go up, waving in the air. " _Great. Alice Fortsque and Frank Longbottom are stationed around the room. They are waving right now. Pandora Lestrange, Marlene McKinnon, Serene Chai, and many others are situated around the room to help._ "

" _Alright, everybody knows where the stagehands are? Because we're moving on. Let's choose the first game! And it is...Wizards' Pictionary!_ "

Remus hears a faint 'Oh! I love that game!' from somewhere to his left and cracks a smile.

" _Even though most of you have probably played the game before_ ," Sirius states, his grin practically audible to Remus, " _I'm going to explain how to play._ " A yelp of pain, Remus presumes. " _We! I mean_ ** _we_** _will explain the rules_." And, in a quieter tone that probably was meant for the 'audience' to hear, Sirius murmurs, " _Geez. So violent. Rude_."

Remus snorts when Lily takes over, voice smug. " _Everyone will be split up into groups. There are three hundred students, and we decided to have 10 groups, each with 30 players. We already sorted the teams, and the groups will be able to be seen before we begin. We tweaked the rules a bit, by the way. Since there are so many teams, there will be 15 games going on at a time. One of our stagehands will randomly pick a person from the two teams, blindfolded, to act out. Feel free to decline the position._

" _Said person will choose a card, and then will act it out. The two teams will then try to guess what the word is. The teams will have 90 seconds to guess, and every time someone guesses correctly, a new card will be chosen to act out. Ten points to every correctly guessed act. Now, what makes this Wizards' Pictionary is, of course, magic. You are free to use any spells you want that do not_ ** _directly_** _look like whatever you are trying to act out. Like, the word is flower and you create a bouquet of flowers. Do not do that. You will be eliminated._ "

" _With that_ ," James says excitedly, " _let's get started! The teams are going up now! Please find the stagehand that is holding up your group number!_ "

Remus turns toward yet another banner that dropped from the ceiling and scans the list to find his name: Group 7. People were already rushing to get to their groups, and a girl even ran into him on his way to where Frank Longbottom was, holding up the number seven in the air.

Remus looked down at the person, his vision flooded with long, dark blue hair and the brightest green eyes he has ever seen. Based on her scarf, she's a Ravenclaw.

"Oh!" She says sheepishly. "Lo siento! Yo-"

"Um." Remus taps her shoulder, making her snap her head up from where she was looking straight ahead. Remus didn't think he was _that_ tall. "I'm sorry, I don't speak...um Spanish?"

The girl blushes. "S-Sorry. Again. I speak Spanish when I get flustered and anxious." The girl's face blanches. "Oh," she mutters quietly, "I didn't mean to say that."

Remus chuckles. "It's fine," he insists. "Are you okay?"

The girl smiles at him, blush still on her face. "I'm fine. What group are you in?"

"Seven."

The girl's smile widens as she starts lightly bouncing on her feet. "Me too!" She exclaims. "Oh, where are my manners? My name's Valeria Risi!"

Remus smiles at her enthusiasm. "Remus Lupin."

Her eyes widen in recognition. "Wait, the birthday guy?"

Remus sighs tiredly. " _Yes_. The birthday guy. The idiots who are doing this are my best friends. Unfortunately."

Valeria shrugs. "Eh, I dunno. They seem quite funny."

"You don't have to deal with their nonsense."

Valeria giggles and rolls her eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully. "They can't be _that_ bad."

"They are."

She huffs in exasperation. "Okay, I'll take your word for it then."

" _Everyone ready_?" Immediately, the two scramble towards Frank Longbottom, who looked like he was trying to stop his laughter. _He definitely did that on purpose_. " _Stagehands, please choose someone!_ "

Unsurprisingly, Remus nor Valeria got chosen to act it out. Apparently, someone named Joshua did. Thankfully, he was in his fifth year, so he probably knew a lot of spells.

" _Ready? Stagehands?_ " Frank put his hand in the air with two thumbs up. " _Great! The time starts...now!_ "

The Joshua guy pulls out his wand and flicks it with a muttered, " _Stella_ _Cascadia!_ "

A shower of lights burst out of his want, lighting up the air above them. He gestures towards the individual lights.

"Stars!"

"Milky Way!"

"Black hole?"

"Where did you get _black hole_ from?" Valeria asks the person who called out black hole in exasperation.

"I dunno," the guy shrugs. Valeria sighs and watches as Joshua starts to look frustrated.

Valeria huffs and shakes her head, calling out, "Constellations!"

"Correct. Next one," Frank says, handing Joshua a new card.

"Good job, Risi," Remus praises.

She frowns. "None of that last name crap. It's weird."

"Um, okay?"

Their attention is turned away from each other by a burst of flames. Joshua is holding a piece of wood that is smothered in flames in front of him, with Frank standing off to the side with his wand ready to spray water on it if it gets out of hand.

"Oh, I know this one," Remus says. "Match!"

"Once again, correct! Next!"

* * *

The game went on with Valeria and Remus being Group 7's best players. They had a game going to see which of them got the most. Remus won by three questions, and he was never going to let Valeria live it down despite her protests. Due to their best efforts, Group 7 won the dictionary round against their opposing team, Group 3, but ranked third out of all the teams.

"I consider that a win," Valeria remarks smugly as their group received medals and chocolates which she was especially invested in. "Third place isn't too bad."

Remus shrugs. "Fine by me, but everyone else isn't that happy."

Valeria shakes her head while watching some of their teammates silently fume. "Oh, well. The only damage done was to their egos. We'll be fine."

Remus had no comment except for a stifled snort.

" _I'd like to once again congratulate Group Five, Group Four, and Group Seven for winning first, second, and third respectively. But, the games aren't over yet, folks. This game was suggested by our very own Headmaster and it is...Magical Limbo!_ "

" _I'd like to announce that Hogwarts, or the announcers, are responsible for any injuries sustained during this game_ ," Sirius says.

Remus frowns. "That doesn't sound good."

Valeria pats his back. "Magical Limbo can get a bit...out of hand. You'll love it, though, despite the bruises you'll get."

"Great," Remus mutters dryly.

" _Playing is simple: don't touch the stick. But, you can use any magic you want as long as you don't use it on the stick or the floor. Groups are still the same, but this isn't a group activity. Whoever wins first, second, and third, their team will get twenty points! But watch out for traps~! Ready? Set? GO!_ "

And then Weird Sisters songs start playing and Remus rolls his eyes. Of course, Sirius would find an excuse to play his favorite wizard band.

The game went well, Remus being particularly good at the game with his extensive knowledge of spells and charms. He was so good that he got second place, despite their being far more capable and older students participating.

Remus did get hit with a trap once, which was not fun. It was a stupid glitter canon, so he was not only covered in glitter but was also knocked into the stick where he got eliminated. He, thankfully, got Alice Fortsque to take pity on him and cast a spell to clean up the glitter. But Remus swears he could hear James' cackling from wherever he was in the building. He has no proof, though.

But Valeria did terribly which Remus cannot stress enough. She was only of the first people out, not because her charming abilities were bad, no, she was decent enough, but because someone had sabotaged her without getting caught.

She pouted the entire time, to Remus' endless amusement.

Remus decided not to tell her that he was the one who sabotaged her.

* * *

Remus had wanted to play Capture the Flag, but the universe decided to hate them that day and they were forced to play some weird water game which turned out to be kind of fun.

" _This next game needs a bit of preparation, so please be patient!_ " Evans' voice drifted through the room as the students were forcibly pushed back to the entrance by some invisible force and a red curtain dropped dramatically from the ceiling.

"Honestly," Valeria groans, "what is with your friends and dropping things from ceilings?"

Remus, in turn, shrugs to which Valeria groans again.

Five minutes later, they were all magically teleported onto platforms in the sky. Remus blinked and looked around where Valeria was nowhere in sight but he could see several other students near him, looking just as confused as he was. They seemed to be in a strange bouncy house but with water. Next to Remus were two water guns, one small and one large, three buckets of water balloons, three rubber knives, and two button-like pads.

" _This game is called Water Tag, and it's basically like Laser Tag, but with water. Here's how you play: everyone will take their weapon of choice, water balloons, water handgun, knife, or water sniper, and shoot other players with it. Take the button screens near you and place them on yourself wherever you like. If both ones are shot, you are out! There is a ten-minute time limit, and every two minutes you will be randomly teleported to a new location. Your time starts now!_ "

Remus, as it turns out, is not too bad at this game since he takes out three people in the first ten seconds alone. Go him. But, he is nowhere near as good as some of the other students who seem to make a habit out of playing video games in their free time.

Like Valeria.

Remus was doing pretty well, he was good at adjusting to the spongy terrain they were on and good with his handgun. He had taken out twelve people (he thinks) in five minutes and he was feeling pretty confident about it. Then Valeria came barging towards him at full speed, two rubber blades in her hand, and Remus just barely managed to dodge the knife that was thrown at him.

Valeria was scarily good with knives and Remus had no idea what to think of that.

"SHE'S LOOSE!" Someone screams behind Valeria.

"PROTECT THE WOMAN AND CHILDREN!"

"WE _ARE_ CHILDREN, YOU MORONS!"

"AHHHHHHH!"

Valeria smiles warmly at Remus, saying, "Don't mind them," while having the audacity to throw knives behind her casually like she's greeting an old friend rather than destroying her enemies brutally in a game. And, by the familiar noise of rubber hitting plastic, she got her targets. Maybe the shouts of pain were also indicators that maybe she didn't hit them in the right spots.

Remus sighs and raises his hand in the air, speaking into the comm in his ear they were all given before the game. "I give up."

Valeria comes towards him as the buzzer sounds, saying the game was done. "Good choice," she exclaims brightly while dropping her knives on the ground.

Remus, despite his instincts screaming at him to run, follows his crazy friend all while shaking his head.

* * *

The games went on for the entire day, and by the end of it, Remus was thoroughly exhausted and just wanted to see the results. Valeria was practically sleeping on his shoulder, her open eyes the only clue that she was awake.

Valeria yawns, picking her head up from his shoulder. "Let's get this over with."

Remus nods and looks towards the teacher's table, where the professors were looking equally as tired since they were watching the whole thing. Some, like Slughorn and Sprout, participated in a few games but opted out of most of them in favor of chatting with other teachers and eating.

The announcers, or James, Sirius, and Evans appeared out of nowhere after dinner, standing on top of the teacher's table. The said teachers didn't seem to mind much which was unusual.

"Thank you all for participating in the Hogwarts Birthday Olympics!" James exclaims, grinning.

"We didn't really have a choice!" Someone shouts, and James just waves them off.

"That's irrelevant," Evans says, smiling slyly. "We hope you enjoyed the games, as I sure did."

"It was hilarious!" Sirius declares gleefully. "Watching you all wander around aimlessly while trying to win, all while fighting each other to the death, was probably the most fun thing I've watched in a while!"

Evans sighs. "Ignore him," she says dryly.

James nods. "Gladly. Ahem, anyway! It's time to present our third, second, and first place winners! Miss Evans, if you will." He dramatically gestures to the envelope in his hands, and Evans takes the paper with apprehension.

"Third place goes to...Group 8!" The hall echoed with applause and cheers, the said group walking up to the announcers proudly and smugly. Remus hears a quiet snort next to him and chuckles. "Congrats! Well done! Here's your prize!" The prize was a family-sized box of homemade food, which, added to the piles of chocolates given to the winners of the games, could feed a small militia, three galleons for each person, and a medal for each of them.

Sirius takes the note from Evans, clearing his throat theatrically. "And in second place...Group 2!" Remus tried not to feel disappointed; he had thought Group 7, his and Valeria's group, had gotten second place.

Now James has the note, the hall was quiet. "Now, the moment you've all been waiting for, first place goes to...Group 7!"

Remus didn't think it was possible to smile so much and feel so much happiness in one night, but, since it's his birthday, maybe today was an exception to the limits.

* * *

"This went well."

"Definitely."

"This was one of the best decisions we've ever made!"

"Undoubtedly."

"Thanks for helping, Evans."

"It's no problem."

"One question: do you think Remus will give me all his chocolates?"

"Absolutely not."

"Don't even think about it, James."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the beginning, 'The Hunt' was not a typo.  
> Small reminder, this is set in March, months after when the actual story now is set.  
> :)  
> On a different note, this was not supposed to be so long.

**Author's Note:**

> A few of these are based on Marauder's headcanons, so if they are, I'll give the person who made the headcanon credit.


End file.
